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Author Topic: Funnies/Jokes  (Read 663961 times)

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mx250

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #435 on: June 25, 2009, 09:46:02 am »
There are seven types of sex........

The 1st kind of sex is called ... Smurf Sex.
This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called ... Kitchen Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called ... Bedroom Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called ... Hallway Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say ... 'F... You.'

The 5th kind of sex is called ... Religious Sex.
Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)

The 6th kind is called ... Courtroom Sex.
This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

And . Last ... But not least ....

The 7th kind of sex is called .... Social Security Sex.
You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy yourself.

PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO TELL ME WHAT STAGE YOU ARE IN.
 
I have enough problems of my own !!! ;D
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mx250

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #436 on: June 25, 2009, 03:57:58 pm »
AUSTRALIA'S MEDICARE
 

A couple in their seventies went to a s*x therapist's office in Melbourne.  The doctor asked, 'What can I do for you?' The old man said, 'Will you watch us have s*x?' The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
When the couple had finished, the doctor said, 'There's nothing wrong with the way you have s*x,' and charged them $50. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have s*x with no problems, pay the doctor, and then leave.
Finally the doctor asked, 'Just exactly what are you trying to find out?'
The old man said, 'We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house.   The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $170.  We do it here for $50 and I get $43 back from Medicare.

Is Australia great or what?' ;) ;D

 
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All Things 414

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #437 on: June 26, 2009, 09:44:55 am »
Being made almost entirely of plastic, Micheal Jackson's will states that his body is to be melted down into a play-station so as some child can still play with him......
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mx250

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #438 on: June 26, 2009, 10:42:42 am »
Quote from: All Things 414 on June 26, 2009, 09:44:55 am
Being made almost entirely of plastic, Micheal Jackson's will states that his body is to be melted down into a play-station so as some child can still play with him......
Gee Ross, you are as fast off the line as a 414 ;D

.....and Wikipedia :P.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Jackson
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All Things 414

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #439 on: June 26, 2009, 12:05:09 pm »
Yes Graeme. It's the quick and the............er dead. :-\
« Last Edit: June 26, 2009, 12:06:45 pm by All Things 414 »
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mainline

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #440 on: June 26, 2009, 03:26:26 pm »
McDonalds have released a commemorative burger – The McJackson

A 50 yr old piece of aged albino meat between two 8 yr old buns……..
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mainline

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #441 on: June 26, 2009, 03:27:32 pm »
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Offline shorelinemc

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #442 on: June 26, 2009, 05:13:13 pm »
the latest on michael jackson he did not die from a heart attack- food poisoning was the cause. something to do with chewing on 12 yr old nuts!
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All Things 414

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #443 on: June 26, 2009, 05:21:26 pm »
He has to stay at the morge until next Thursday.

Wait for it.........






That's plastic recycling day! ;D :o
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gator

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #444 on: June 26, 2009, 05:33:24 pm »
Racing Victoria will ask all jockey's to wear black armband's tomorrow in memory of michael jackson;as he rode more 3 yr olds than all of them put together :D
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gator

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #445 on: June 26, 2009, 05:40:34 pm »
When Farrah Fawcett arrived in heaven god granted her 1 wish.She wished for all the children to be safe.SO GOD killed Michael jackson ;)
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Offline shorelinemc

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #446 on: June 26, 2009, 05:50:23 pm »
Graeme you missed rodeo sex- giving it to your missus doggie style,then telling her ,her sister was better and trying to hang on!
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Offline DJRacing

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #447 on: June 26, 2009, 06:28:29 pm »
Apparantly they have crossed michael Jacksons DNA with Arnold Shwartzenegers and made a Michael wasanigger
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Offline DJRacing

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #448 on: June 26, 2009, 06:30:47 pm »
When the ambos arrived Michael Jackson was blowing Bubbles ,

the Monkey is in a stable condition
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Offline DJRacing

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #449 on: June 26, 2009, 06:32:49 pm »
Michael Jackson didn't die of a heart attack  :o

He had a stroke in the childrens ward
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