Author Topic: Funnies/Jokes  (Read 494503 times)

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Offline Mick D

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #2370 on: September 22, 2018, 11:39:20 AM »
You guys crack me up ;D ;D
"light weight, and it works great"  :)

Offline 80-85 husky

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #2371 on: February 25, 2019, 08:29:03 PM »
Brilliant ;D ;D ;D

Four old Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop.

When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."   

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When  he enters a room everyone bows their head and says  'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him  'Your Holiness'."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in  silence, The four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"

She proudly replies,  I have a daughter,


40 D Breasts

24" WAIST and

34" HIPS

When she walks into a room, people say, “ JESUS CHRIST"!

Offline VMX247

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #2372 on: February 25, 2019, 11:15:19 PM »
Good one Husky, That reminds me of this proud dad story...……..

Four friends reunited at a party after 30 years. After a few laughs and drinks, one of them had to go to the restroom. The ones that stayed behind began to talk about their kids and their successes.
The first guy says: “I am very proud of my son, he is my pride and joy. He started working at a very successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics, Business Administration, and was promoted, began to climb the corporate ladder, becoming the General Manager, and now he is the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes Benz for his birthday.”
The second guy says: “Damn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy, I am very proud of him. He started working at a travelling agency for a very big airline. He went to flight school to become a pilot and managed to become a partner in the company where he now owns the majority of the assets. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.”
The third guy says: “Well, well, well congratulations! My son is also my pride and joy and he is also very rich. He studied in the best universities and became an engineer. He started his own construction company and became very successful and a multi-millionaire. He also gave away some very nice and expensive thing to his best friend for his birthday. He built a 30,000 sq. ft. mansion especially for his friend.”
The three friends congratulated each other mutually for the successes of their sons. The fourth friend who earlier had gone to restroom returned and asked: “What's going on, what are all the congratulations for?” One of the three said: “We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. What about your son?”
The fourth man replied: “My son is Gay and he makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.”
The three friends said: “What a shame that must be, that is horrible, what a disappointment you must feel.”
The fourth man replied: “No, I am not ashamed. Not at all. He is my son and I love him just as well, he is my pride and joy. In addition, he is very lucky too. Did you know that his birthday just passed and the other day he received a beautiful 30,000 sq. ft. mansion, a brand new jet, and a top of the line Mercedes Benz from his three boyfriends?”
Best is in the West !!

Offline pokey

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #2373 on: February 26, 2019, 02:34:18 PM »
Forest Gump is sitting on the end of Jennie's bed. His head in his hands sobbing. And Jenny says " Now Forrest, don't be upset, there is absolutely nothing wrong with having a small penis.

Forest looks up, sniffs and says. I don't know Jenny, I'd prefer if you didn't have one at all.

Offline Butcher

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #2374 on: February 26, 2019, 09:39:27 PM »
worlds shortest joke.........2 women sitting quietly.........

Offline Daryl Jones

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« Reply #2375 on: August 08, 2019, 10:42:36 AM »
Life's too short not to try to do Everything.

"First they tell you you're wrong, and they can prove it.
Then they tell you you're right, but it's not important.
Then they tell you it is important, but they knew it all along."
Charles Kettering.

Offline Wasp

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #2376 on: August 08, 2019, 03:59:00 PM »
A nun teaching religion was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to heaven..... which part of your body goes first?

Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think its your hands."

"Why do you think its your hands, Suzy?" said the Nun.

Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first."

"What a wonderful answer!" the nun said.

Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think its your legs".

The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face.

Now Little Johnnie, why would you think it would be your legs?

Little Johnny said,"Well I walked into mommy and daddy's bedroom the other night..

Mommy had her legs straight up in the air, and she was saying, "OH GOD, I'M COMING!".
If dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her!"

3612 shocks , We don't just sell them - I designed and make them individually for you since 1989.

Offline FAT-TOY

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #2377 on: August 30, 2019, 02:14:11 PM »
  My wife asked me if I could go down to the shop and get a ctn of milk and if they have avocados get 6.
A short time after, I get back with the milk. My wife asks:  "why did you get 6 ctns of milk?"
  I replied: " They had avocados.


Everyday I find one more name to add to the list of people who piss me off.