Funnies/Jokes

[mx250]

We need jokes like this to keep things in proportion. The media is in a frenzy -  they are competing to come up with superlatives. May he rest in peace but Whacko Jacko sums it up.

[Lozza]

Got the first Jacko text at 9.30am

[VMX247]

ebay's gonna make another killin 

[gator]

Michael jackson on his death bed requested that his ashes be packaged into a box of rice bubbles; so he can have the feeling of going through a 10 year old's ars one more time!

[jackiemac]

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, 'Please come over here and help
me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get
started.'

Her boyfriend asks, 'What is it supposed to be when it's finished?'

The blonde says, 'According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster.'

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle...

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over
the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to
her and says,

'First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to
assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.'

He takes her hand and says, 'Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a
nice cup of tea, and then ..' he said with a deep sigh, . .. . .. . ... .


Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.'
 

[mx250]

:'(

[mx250]

A whale's revenge on the Japs?

[mx250]

This is a pissa

[mx250]

I dare you to pull this practical joke on ya wife.....

[mx250]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IRZw-UOIGyI&feature=player_embedded 

[mx250]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-IJBbtkBMMs

[jackiemac]

 Summer Classes for Men at   

THE
ADULT LEARNING CENTRE

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
By Friday, July 31st 2009 

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM


Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
 
Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
   
Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
   
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
   
Class 5
Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
At 7:00 PM
 
Class 6
Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
   
Class 7
Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
   
Class 8
Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
   
Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined
   
Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
   
Class 11
Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
 
Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
   
Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
   
 
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Keep Smiling
Jackie Mac

[VMX247]

jackiemac-----
Class 14---------- no survivor's
but hey who's judge 'n           

[mx250]

Must be a 'girl thing',

[VMX247]

Must be a 'girl thing',

Now that MX250 is a waste of good meat----put the cow in the freezer---go country