Funnies/Jokes

[PEZBerq]

An annoying rash?

[GMC]

Forget bickering about rules, news just in about a shocking Air Show Disaster
 

AIRCRAFT HITS FOUR BUILDINGS
Casualties have not been counted yet

This is tough to see. It just shows the dangers of attending these events.
Amazing photo below shows great detail.

The pilot at low level had no control over his aircraft.

It narrowly misses a crowd gathered for the air show and slams into four buildings.

One can only imagine the horror of the occupants inside those buildings.













No one was killed, but it probably scared the crap out of them.

[Simo63]

LOL .. you funny man Geoff   

Although you run the risk of someone here telling you to get back in the shed and finish their chamber or frame or something 

[80-85 husky]

nice Bathurst Monaro for GMC on fleabay, comes with a spare car for "body Parts" "some rust..." needs a lot of welding I suspect would keep him off the keyboard

[the stig]

               

              Shit happens  uh  .

             The Stig

[80-85 husky]

saw this on evilbay, got a giggle.. bloke advertising a vc commodore, had a couple nasty sharp smacks in the front like it had hit some poles...

"believe it or not this was straight until i moved it today.

 discovered the brakes had gone from sitting, went forward into the post on the shed panicked threw it in reverse,

panicked then threw it in drive again and hit the post again, bugger me dead a few seconds later a straight original car is not so straight"

poor bastard......

[Rookie#1]

Hear the one about the buch of bickering knobs on ozvmx

[FAT-TOY]

  A classic from King Billy Coke Bottle.
      Billy and Morton were having a few drinks in a pub when Morton asked the barman for directions to the shit house, out along the veranda and the second door on the right.
     About half hour later Morton still hadn't returned and they started to worry if he had got lost so Billy went looking and found Morton in the toilet crying. Whats wrong he was asked and replied this bastard of a toilet wont let me stand up every time I try it grabs me by the nuts and pulls me back down.  Billy replied you bloody idiot your sitting on a mop bucket.

[80-85 husky]

alert alert turn back the boats!! new boat approaching on the east coast....brazil soccer team onboard

[matcho mick]

Two  guys meet after not having seen each other for many many years.  First guy asks the second guy, "How have things been going?"
         
The  second guy speaking very slowly tells the first guy,
"I  w.a..s   a..l..m..o..s..t    m..a..r..r..i..e..d."
The first guy says in amazement, "Hey, you don't stutter any more."

The answer comes, "  Y..e..s,   I   w..e...n..t    t..o   a
d..o..c..t.o..r     a..n..d    h..e     t..o..l..d    m..e
t..h..a..t     i..f    I    s..p..e..a..k    s..l..o..w..l..y     I
w..i..l...l    n..o..t     s..t..u..t..t..e..r."

The first friend congratulates him and  than asks again about how
he was almost  married.

"W..e..l..l,     m..y    f..i..a..n..c..e..e     a..n..d    I
w..e..r..e     s..i..t..t..i..n..g    o..n    h..e..r
p..o..r..c..h   a..n..d     t..h..e   d..o..g     w..a..s
s..c..r..a..t..c..h..i..n..g     h..i..s    b..a..c..k     a..n..d
I    t..o..l..d     h..e..r    t..h...a..t     w..h..e..n    w..e
a...r..e     m..a..r..r..i..e..d,    s..h..e     c..o  u  l  d
d...o      t..h..a..t    f..o...r     m..e     a..n..d     s..h..e
t..h..r..e..w     t..h...e    r..i..n..g    i..n    m..y
f..a..c..e.."
"Why should she  throw the ring in your face for that?" asks the first  friend.

" W..e..l..l,    I     s..p..e..a..k    s..o     s..l..o..w..l..y,
t...h..a..t     b..y    t..h..e     t..i..m..e      s..h..e
l...o..o..k..e..d     a..t    t..h..e    d..o..g,    h..e
w..a..s      l..i..c..k..i..n..g    h..i..s    N..u..t..s"

 

 

 

 

 






 

 
 
 
 

 

 
 
 
 
 

 

 
 

 

 





 

[oz555ktm]

           


       This is Not a Joke ... But Just Funny


            http://youtu.be/Qbp59NhOPQk






.

[FAT-TOY]

man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by.
He got into the taxi and the cabbie said,  "Perfect timing. You're just like Brian"
Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Brian every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Brian Sullivan. He was a terrific athlete.
He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros.
He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano.
He was an amazing guy."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."

Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer.
He remembered everybody's birthday.
He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything.
Not like me.
I change a fuse and the whole street blacks out.
But Brian Sullivan, he could do everything right."

Passenger: "Wow. Some guy then."

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them.
But Brian, he never made a mistake and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good.
He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong;
and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes polished too.
He was the perfect man!
He never made a mistake.
No one could ever measure up to Brian Sullivan."

Passenger: "An amazing fellow.
How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Brian.

He died. I'm married to his bloody widow." 
 
 
 
 

[matcho mick]

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and
was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her
purse and was getting progressively more agitated. 'What does it look like?'
she finally asked.

The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has your picture on it.'

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and
handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, 'OK,
you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop.'

[matcho mick]

had to post this again 
 
A teacher is  explaining biology to her 4th grade students.  'Human beings
are  the only animals that stutter', she  says.

 A  little girl raises her hand 'I had a kitty-cat who stuttered',  she
volunteered.

 The  teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become,
asked the girl to describe the  incident.

 'Well', she began, 'I was in the back yard with my kitty and the
Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we  knew it,
he jumped over the fence into  our yard!

 'That  must've been scary', said the teacher.  '

 It  sure was', said the little girl. 'My kitty raised his back, went
'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'... And before he could say ' fu * k' , the Rottweiler
ate him!

[GMC]

"Weird Al" Yankovic has certainly stood the test of time, must be 30 odd years now since he parodied Jackson and he still has it.

For the wordsmiths

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Gv0H-vPoDc

The Aluminati will control your minds

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-0TEJMJOhk