Funnies/Jokes

[TooFastTim]

There was some blokes with a sidecar
Who fought like some tarts in a gay bar
When asked to produce
And not be a goose
.......

All they could do was talk war

[09.0]

There was some blokes with a sidecar
Who fought like some tarts in a gay bar
When asked to produce
And not be a goose
.......

In the end they all went too far.

[TooFastTim]

There was a young lady from Devizes
whose breasts were of different sizes
one was small
hardly anything at all
the other was large and one prizes

[Ted]

There was some blokes with a sidecar
Who fought like some tarts in a gay bar
When asked to produce
And not be a goose
.......

In the end they all went too far.

WINNER

[SLAWESY]

There once was a man from Nantuckett
Who dick was so long he could suck it!
He said with a grin... as he licked the cum from his chin...
If my ear was a C%^nt I could Fu&*k it..

[EML]

comón you guys.... the language.....you can't call sidecar riders gay tarts!!! FFS

Yes I understand we have become the butt of all your jokes so it must be time to sell the Wasp.

There once was an old chap with Wasp
Who rode 'til his very last gasp
His passenger swung
'cause has was very well hung
But alas they realised ....all was Lost

[TooFastTim]

There once was an old chap with Wasp
Who rode 'til his very last gasp
His passenger swung
'cause has was very well hung
But alas they realised ....all was Lost

 

[TM BILL]

A Half-Drunk Bloke goes into a Pub, and the Barmaid asks what he wants.

"I want to bury my face in your cleavage and lick the sweat from between
your tits" he says.

"You dirty bastard!" shouts the Barmaid, "get out before I get my
husband."

The bloke apologizes and promises not to repeat his gaffe.

The Barmaid accepts this and asks him again what he wants.

"I want to pull your pants down, spread yoghurt between the cheeks of
your arse and lick it all off."

She says, "You dirty filthy pervert! You're banned. Get out!!"

Again, the bloke apologizes and swears never ever to do it again.

"One more chance," says the Barmaid, "Now - what do you want?"

"I want to turn you upside down, tear your knickers off and fill your
pussy with Guinness, and then drink every last drop from the hairy cup."

The Barmaid is furious at this personal intrusion, and runs upstairs to
fetch her husband, who's sitting quietly watching the TV.

"What's up love?" he asks.

"There's a bloke in the Bar who wants to put his head between my tits
and lick the sweat off", she says.

"I'll kill him. Where is he?" storms the husband.

"Then he said he wanted to pour yoghurt down between my arse cheeks and
lick it off" she screams.

"Right. He's dead!" says the husband, reaching for a baseball bat.

"Then he said he wanted to turn me upside down, fill my fanny with
Guinness and then drink it all" she cries!

The husband puts down his bat and returns to his armchair, and switches
the TV back on.

"Aren't you going to do something about it?" she cries hysterically.

"Look love, I'm not messing with any bloke who can drink 15 pints of
Guinness..."
 


 

 

[TM BILL]

[shelpi]

there was some blokes with a sidecar


whoops.......sorry wrong thread   

there once was some blokes with a sidecar, who fought like some tarts in a gay bar 

 

[Kenneth S (222)]

Diary of an Alice Springs Summer (by a Pom)

August 31st

Just got transferred with work into our new home in Alice Springs!! Now
this is a city that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy
evenings. What a place! I watched the sunset from a deck chair on the
verandah It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.

September 13th:

Really heating up. Got to 35 today. Not a problem. Live in an
air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see
the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshiper.

September 30th:

Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms and
rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another
scorcher today, but I love it here.

October 10th

The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week. How do people get used to
this kind of heat? At least today it's kind of windy though. But getting
used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.

October 15th:

Fell asleep by the pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed
3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to
respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

October 20th:

I missed Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning.
By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Kitty had died and swollen up to
the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $3,000 leather upholstery. I
told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like Wiskettes and cat
shit. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.

October 25th:

The wind sucks. It feels like a giant ****in blow dryer!! And it's hot as
hell. The home air-conditioner is on the blink and the AC repairman charged
$200 just to drive over and tell me he needed to order parts.

October 30th:

Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. Bloody $300,000 house
and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?

November 4th:

It's 38 degrees. Finally got the ol' air-conditioner fixed today. It cost
$500 and gets the temperature down to 25, but the bloody humidity makes the
house feel like it's about 30. Stupid repairman. I hate this stupid ****in
place.

November 8th:

If another wise arse cracks, "Hot enough for you today?" I'm going to
****in throttle him. ****in heat! By the time I get to work the car's
radiator was boiling over, my clothes are soakin ****in wet, and I smell
like baked cat!!

November 9th:

Tried to run some messages after work. Wore shorts, and sat on the black
leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my ****in arse was on fire. I
lost
2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and my ****in
arse. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried arse, and baked cat.

November 10th:

The weather report might as well be a ****in recording. Hot and sunny. Hot
and sunny. Hot and ****in sunny. It's been too hot to do anything for 2
damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week.
Doesn't it ever rain in this damn ****in place? Water rationing will be
next, so my $2,000 worth of palms just might dry up and blow into the
****in
pool. Even the palms can't live in this ****in heat.

November 14th:

Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 41 today. Now the air-conditioner's
gone in my car. The repairman came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you
today?" My wife had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail my arse
out of jail for assulting the stupid ****er. **** Alice Springs! What
kind
of a sick demented ****in idiot would want to live here?

December 1st:

WHAT?? This is the first day of Summer? You are ****in kiddin

[MauriceR]

[TM BILL]

One should not take the English language for granted.


        Paddy took 2 stuffed dogs to Antiques Roadshow

        "Ooh!" said the presenter, "This is a very rare set, produced by the
celebrated Johns Brothers taxidermists who operated in London at the turn of
last century.

         " Do you have  any idea what they would fetch if they were in good
condition?"



         "Sticks?"   Paddy said.

[monte34]

TM Bill, that was the best yet, still crying!

[paco]

Me too.p