Author Topic: Funnies/Jokes  (Read 636700 times)

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TM BILL

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1860 on: January 29, 2013, 10:46:49 AM »
You gotta hand it to that Lance Armstrong , when i was doing drugs i couldn't even find my bloody bike

Offline firko

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1861 on: January 29, 2013, 11:42:11 AM »
             
Quote
'68 Yamaha DT1 enduro, '69 Yamaha 'DT1 from Hell' '69 DT1'Dunger from Hell, '69 Cheney Yamaha 360, 70 Maico 350 (2 off), '68 Hindall Ducati 250, Hindall RT2MX, Hindall YZ250a , Cycle Factory RT2MX flat tracker, Yamaha 1T250J, Maico 250 trials, '71, Boyd and Stellings TM400, Shell OW72,750 Yamaha

Offline OverTheHill

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1862 on: January 29, 2013, 02:25:19 PM »
not funny Firko, it's happened--says me on the computer--AHHH. Technology aye, where would we be without it.

Offline asasin

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1863 on: January 29, 2013, 02:28:08 PM »
not funny Firko, it's happened--says me on the computer--AHHH. Technology aye, where would we be without it.
Out side or in the shed doing the shit we should be doing ;D
If in doubt ,WIND IT OUT

Offline cyclegod

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1864 on: January 29, 2013, 08:57:32 PM »
"Jesus loves you".
A nice gesture in church...but not something you want to hear in a Mexican prison.
Ban BLACK rims NOW

Offline FAT-TOY

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1865 on: January 29, 2013, 10:29:51 PM »
 Can you spare just $5.00 ?
Ranjitu is a 9yr old boy living in
 Zambia .
He has only 1 leg, 1 arm and 1 eye. Each day he has to ride 7 miles to
 School along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes and only 1 pedal.
If you send us just $5.00, we will send you the video- its hilarious.


* I've caught a stray parrot in my garden. 
All he says is, "Good morning, you ugly prick."
 The parrot isn't yours is it?


*In a pub quiz the other  day I lost by one point.
The question I got wrong was, "Where do women mostly have curly hair?"
 Apparently, it's Africa .


*My wife told me I was no longer romantic so I booked a table for the
two of us on Valentine's Night.
 Problem was she isn't interested in Snooker & Darts.


*A mate of mine has just told me he's bonking his girlfriend and her twin.
  I asked, "How can you tell
 them apart?"
He said, "Her brother's got a mustache."
Everyday I find one more name to add to the list of people who piss me off.

Offline Iain Cameron

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1866 on: January 29, 2013, 10:52:12 PM »
Fat-Toy this is a classic . quote
" Can you spare just $5.00 ?
Ranjitu is a 9yr old boy living in
 Zambia .
He has only 1 leg, 1 arm and 1 eye. Each day he has to ride 7 miles to
 School along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes and only 1 pedal.
If you send us just $5.00, we will send you the video- its hilarious."

I know Im not supposed to think this was funny but I almost wet myself laughing .
« Last Edit: January 29, 2013, 11:55:49 PM by iainyz »
Yamaha tragic ; dt1, rt1, dt2, rt2, dt2mx , rt2mx , mx250, mx360,sc500, 74dt125, yzx125, yzc250, yzc400, yzd250, yzd400, yzh250, yzh80 , dt100 , xr75 ko xr80 03 , it175 82 . Not a member of any club

TM BILL

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1867 on: January 30, 2013, 08:12:54 AM »
Nymphomaniac Convention

A man boarded an aircraft at London 's Heathrow Airport for New York , and taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane.


He realised she was heading straight toward his seat and bingo - she took the seat right beside him.

"Hello", he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?"

She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, "Business. I'm going to the annual Nymphomaniac convention in the United States ."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded,” I use my experience to disprove some of the popular myths about sexuality.."

"Really", he smiled, "what myths are those?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.


Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent.


We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish."

Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said. "I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name!"

"Tonto," the man said. "Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me Paddy."


Offline Sorelegs11

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1868 on: January 30, 2013, 09:32:02 AM »

A man was in court for murdering his wife.
among the crowded courtroom sat his neighbuor.
During the proceedings the prosecution started the gruesom explanation of how the murder was commited.

"The husband struck his wife to the head with a large spanner"

"Rotten Bastard" the neighbour yelled.

"He then stabbed her several times in the chest with a screwdriver"

"Lousy Prick" the neighbour yells.

The judge turns to the neighbour and waarns him that he will be expelled from the court if he makes one more comment.

The neighbour replies "I am sorry your honour but I have been to his house several times to borrow tools to fix my motorcycle and he told me that he didn't have any"
If at first you don't succeed, lower your standards.

Offline Cooch 04

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1869 on: February 02, 2013, 11:36:27 AM »
Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of the night next to some chick who was
snoring and farting, so I knew I made it home OK!

The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.

I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next shit could spell disaster.


My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.

I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.
After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, “F*ck it, soldier on!”

I woke up this morning at 8, and could smell something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald’s serves breakfast until 11:30.
 
Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair last night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel
.
The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"

My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!" "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"


Offline GMC

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Another disgraceful admission from Lance Armstrong
« Reply #1870 on: February 04, 2013, 10:47:20 AM »
G.M.C.  Bringing the past into the future

Shock horror, its here at last...
www.geoffmorrisconcepts.com

For the latest in GMC news...
http://www.geoffmorrisconcepts.com/8/news/

Offline YZ250H

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1871 on: February 04, 2013, 01:50:51 PM »
 :D :D :D
Looking for YZ250C parts NOS if possible

"My inability to use emoticins in the right context is really getting me down :)
The only triple jumps he would have been doing are the hop, skip & jump.

Offline Rossvickicampbell

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1872 on: February 04, 2013, 02:12:44 PM »
sorry Geoff - I take offence to that.  Graham can you please blacklist him forever - what were you thinking of - for gawds sake man.  The boys are on the way around

 :D
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Offline 09.0

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Re: Another disgraceful admission from Lance Armstrong
« Reply #1874 on: February 04, 2013, 04:20:21 PM »

The word collingwood needs to be substituted with 'AFL'...