Funnies/Jokes

[EML]

There's gotta be a market for sidecars over there.

[All Things 414]

There's gotta be a market for sidecars over there.

 

[pancho]

This is an oldie but a goodie.
A long time ago a feller was riding his bonnie out on a country road. He stops for a bloke hitching a ride and says 'hop on'. Hitch hiker says 'stuff that its bloody freezin!'. Feller says 'don't worry about that' just take your jacket off and put it on backwards, I'l button it up and that stops the wind blowing through you. Off they go and the feller settles in to riding with the extra weight on the back and starts to  take a few adventurous lines around these fast bends and next thing he drops it. The feller is out to it and the hitcher is rolling round moaning. A car comes along and this big bloke jumps out to help. The bonnie rider comes to on hearing this horrible scream and turns round from checking his bike and says 'is that bloke alright?' The big samaritan says 'he was moaning and groaning a bit but when I screwed his head 'round the right way he made a hell of a fuss and stopped moving!

[matcho mick]

a biker goes to his doctor with hearing problems.
"can you describe the symptoms to me?",asked the doctor
"Yes,Homer is a fat yellow lazy bastard & Marge is a tall skinny chick with blue hair"

i lost a pub quiz the other night by 1 point
the question was where do woman mostly have curly hair?
Apparently,it's Africa!

you can say a lot of bad things about paedophiles,but at least they drive slowly past schools!

[VMX247]

a airplane is about to crash, a woman jumps up, rips off her clothes and says "if i gonna die i wanna die feeling like a woman,is there any men on this plane that can help me feel like that?" a guy stands up,takes off his shirt and says "here, iron this." 
well he's gonna die anyway 

a very brave man posted the above on facebook-lucky he lives overseas   

[monaro308]

A 7 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.

'You know what?' says the 7 year old, 'I think it's about time we started
swearing.'

The 4 year old nods his head in approval, so the 7 year old says, 'When we
go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna swear first, then you swear after me,
ok?'

'Ok' the 4 year old, agrees with enthusiasm..

The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he wants for
breakfast.

'Oh, shit mum, I don't know, I suppose I'll have some Coco Pops'

WHACK!! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up,
and ran upstairs crying his eyes out.

She looked at the 4 year old and asked with a stern voice, ' And what do
YOU want for breakfast, young man?'

'I don't know,' he blubbers, 'but it won't be f@#king Coco Pops'
 

[rn400]

HOW TO SPEAK NEW ZEALANDER, FOR BIST EFICT, RID THESE OUT ALOUD!

Should help translating bill and Dj

Milburn - capital of Victoria
Peck - to fill a suitcase
Pissed aside - chemical which kills insects
Pigs - for hanging out washing with
Pump - to act as agent for prostitute
Pug - large animal with a curly tail
Nin tin dough - computer game
Munner stroney - soup
Min - male of the species
Mess Kara - eye makeup
McKennock - person who fixes cars
Mere - Mayor
Leather - foam produced from soap
Lift - departed
Kiri Pecker - famous Australian businessman
Little crusps - potato chips
Ken's - Cairns
Jumbo - pet name for someone called Jim
Jungle Bills - Christmas carol
Inner me - enemy
Guess - vapour
Fush - marine creatures
Fitter cheney - type of pasta
Ever cardeau - avocado
Fear hear - blonde
Ear - mix of nitrogen and oxygen
Ear roebucks - exercise at the gym
Duffy cult - not easy
Amejen - visualise
Day old chuck - very young poultry
Bug hut - popular recording
Bun button - been bitten by insect
Beard - a place to sleep
Chully Bun - Esky
Sucks Peck - Half a dozen beers
Ear New Zulland - an extinct airline
Beers - large savage animals found in U.S. forests
Veerjun - mythical New Zealand maiden
One Doze - well known computer program
Brudge - structure spanning a stream
Sex - one less than sivven
Tin - one more than nine
Iggs Ecktly - Precisely
Earplane - large flying machine
Beggage Chucken - place to leave your suitcase at the earport
Sivven Sucks Sivven - large Boeing aircraft
Sivven Four Sivven - larger Boeing aircraft
Cuds - children
Pits - domestic animals

[Curly3]

Little Johnny during a sex ed class.
Miss, my dad has 2 penis's.
Don't be silly Johnny, that's impossible.
No it's true miss, he's got a little one he wee's out of and a real big one he cleans mummy's teeth with.

[mx250]

Here's a tip if you ever suffer bouts of dementia 

[EML]

That's a good plan MX250-so you don't forget what to call her when you wake up, still if I woke up next to Jane, I'd probably have forgotten my own name she's a good looker.

[mx250]

The Thought for Today ;

[EML]

Where do you get this shit from MX?
I think the knob on the right is the thermostat control-no wait-is it the one on her right-damn, I'll have to try both-again....

[mx250]

Are you looking for a job change EML  .



I keep protesting my innocents - I don't find it, it finds me  .

Son, brother, cousins, work mates they email me the 'shit'  .

[monaro308]

I like this one
http://s199.photobucket.com/albums/aa250/hjcoupe/?action=view&current=RR.mp4

[mx250]

I like this one
http://s199.photobucket.com/albums/aa250/hjcoupe/?action=view&current=RR.mp4

Love the punch line  .