Author Topic: Funnies/Jokes  (Read 662875 times)

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Offline Wombat

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #360 on: April 28, 2009, 06:31:05 pm »
Journey of one Man

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.

When I was 16, I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I
decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.
In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.
Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the
time and threatened suicide.
So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25, I found a very stable girl, but she was boring.
She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything.
Life became so dull that I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her.
She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything.
She did mad, impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy.
She was great fun initially and very energetic, but direction less.
So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 31, I found a smart, ambitious girl with her feet
planted firmly on the ground and married her.
She was so ambitious, that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am older and wiser now... and I'm looking for a girl with big tits.

"Whadaya mean it's too loud?! It's a f*ckin' race bike!! That pipe makes it go louder - and look faster!!"

Offline Hotelmoto

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #361 on: April 29, 2009, 09:23:41 pm »
I'm not the only one that does'nt understand the wife.

Offline Hoony

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #362 on: April 29, 2009, 09:33:17 pm »
Last Night i just missed out on a threesome !

i was short by 2 Sheila's
Long time Honda Fan, but all bike nut in general, Big Bore 2 stroke fan.    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XJoKP6MawYI
1985 Honda CR500RF "Big Red"
1986 Honda CR250RG
2005 KTM 300EXC "The GruntMeister" ( I love that engine)

Offline YUMASTEPSIDE

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #363 on: April 30, 2009, 06:42:17 am »
Yeah Hoony, I know what it's like !  I have sex almost every night.....almost on Monday ,  almost on Tuesday .....................

                      Roger

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #364 on: May 01, 2009, 02:07:57 pm »

Offline jackiemac

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #365 on: May 01, 2009, 03:42:39 pm »
A beautiful fairy appeared one day to a destitute refugee claimant outside the Brisbane immigration offices.

 

'My good man,' the fairy said, 'I've been told to grant you three wishes, since you just arrived in Australia with your wife and five children.'

 

The man told the fairy: 'Well, where I come from we don't have good teeth, so I want new teeth, maybe a lot of gold in them.'


The fairy looked at the man's almost toothless grin and --PING!!! He had a brand new shining set of gold teeth in his mouth!

 

'What else?' asked the fairy, 'two, more wishes, to go'.

 

The refugee claimant now got bolder.

 

'I need a big house with a three car garage on Cheveron Island with eight bedrooms for my family and the rest of my refugee relatives who still live in my country. I want to bring them all over here.

 

PING! - In the distance there could be seen a beautiful mansion with a three car garage, a long driveway, a walkout patio with a BBQ, overlooking the river.


'One, more wish, left for you', said the fairy, waving her wand.

 

I want to be like the Aussies with Australian clothes instead of manjams, and an Acubra  instead of this turban.

And I want to have white skin like the Aussies.'

 

 

PING! - The man was transformed, wearing worn out jeans, a tired old flanalette shirt and a sweat stained Acubra.  He had his bad teeth back and the mansion had disappeared from the horizon.

 

'What happened to my new teeth?' he wailed.  'Where is my new house?'

 

 

The fairy said 'Tough luck. Now that you are Australian, you're entitled to f*** all!!!!'  And she disappeared!

Keep Smiling :)
Jackie Mac

Be kind to your neighbour!!

Offline matcho mick

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #366 on: May 04, 2009, 11:30:30 pm »
it was once said that a black man would become president of the united states,"when pigs flew"
lo & behold, a 100 days into the obarma presidency
swine flu  ::)
work,the curse of the racing class!!
if a hammer dosn't fix it,you have a electrical problem!!

Offline jackiemac

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #367 on: May 06, 2009, 05:42:50 pm »
 Never lie to your mother!!



Peter invited his mother for dinner, during the course of the meal; his mother couldn't help but notice how lovely Peter's flat mate, Joanne, was.

She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Peter and his flat mate than met the eye.

Reading his mum's thoughts, Peter volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Joanne & I are just flat mates.'

About a week later, Joanne came to Peter saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the frying pan, you don't suppose she took it do you?'


'Well I doubt it, but I'll e-mail her just to be sure' said Peter.



So he sat down and wrote...



DEAR MOTHER,

I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DID' TAKE THE FRYING PAN FROM MY HOUSE.. I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DID NOT' TAKE THE FRYING PAN BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IT HAS BEEN MISSING EVER SINCE YOU WERE HERE FOR DINNER.

LOVE PETER



Several days later, Peter received an email from his mother which read



DEAR SON,

I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DO' SLEEP WITH JOANNE, AND I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DO NOT' SLEEP WITH JOANNE, BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IF SHE WAS SLEEPING IN HER OWN BED, SHE WOULD HAVE FOUND THE FRYING PAN BY NOW.

LOVE MUM xxx


Lesson of the day,
NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER!!!
 
 
 
Keep Smiling :)
Jackie Mac
Be kind to your neighbour!!

Offline VMX247

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #368 on: May 10, 2009, 12:22:51 pm »
Riders brief from across the waters  ;)   ;D
Best is in the West !!

Offline VMX247

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #369 on: May 10, 2009, 12:24:53 pm »
bread money
Best is in the West !!

Offline matcho mick

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #370 on: May 10, 2009, 09:03:16 pm »
hmmmm
work,the curse of the racing class!!
if a hammer dosn't fix it,you have a electrical problem!!

Offline matcho mick

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #371 on: May 10, 2009, 09:05:22 pm »
hmmmmm 2
work,the curse of the racing class!!
if a hammer dosn't fix it,you have a electrical problem!!

Offline matcho mick

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #372 on: May 10, 2009, 09:07:35 pm »
hmmm 3
work,the curse of the racing class!!
if a hammer dosn't fix it,you have a electrical problem!!

Offline mxmaniac

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #373 on: May 10, 2009, 09:22:24 pm »
Global economy cutbacks have taken place at telstra....
Maico's, the only way to go.

Offline jackiemac

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #374 on: May 12, 2009, 05:43:40 pm »
Tough times ahead
 

This morning, from a cave somewhere in Pakistan , Taliban Minister of Emigration, Mohammed Omar, warned Australia that if military action against Iraq and Afghanistan continues, Taliban authorities will cut off Australia 's supply of convenience store managers. And if this action does not yield sufficient results, cab drivers will be next, followed by Telstra customer service reps, dole office workers and Queensland doctors.


It's getting ugly, folks!

 

Keep Smiling :)
Jackie Mac
Be kind to your neighbour!!