Funnies/Jokes

[mx250]

Apple does it  again..
Apple Computer announced today that it  has developed a computer chip
that can store and  play high fidelity music in women's  breast
implants.

The iTit will cost between $499.00 and  $699.00 depending on  speaker size.

This  is considered to be a  major breakthrough because women have
always complained about men staring at  their breasts and not
listening  to them.

[mainline]

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.
Upon their arrival, the doctor said that the hospital was testing an amazing new high-tech machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labour pain to the baby's father.
He asked if they were interested. Both said they were very much in favour of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labour progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch.
The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer.
The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor then checked the husband's blood
Pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing.
At this point they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping the wife considerably,
The husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.
The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain and the husband had experienced none.
She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home they found the postman dead on the porch.

[VMX247]

Apple does it  again..
Apple Computer announced today that it  has developed a computer chip
that can store and  play high fidelity music in women's  breast
implants.
The iTit will cost between $499.00 and  $699.00 depending on  speaker size.
This  is considered to be a  major breakthrough because women have
always complained about men staring at  their breasts and not
listening  to them.

an old one-but now I realize why some men are half deaf    

[Wombat]

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered...transfer a portion of the mother's labour pain to the baby's father...

Fellas... just the men here... you know how we squeeze the car between the kerb and the stationary truck in front - without touching either?
You know how we sit (frustrated) behind the woman in front who won't move forward despite having a good half metre either side between truck and kerb?
Well, that's one of the differences between the two sexes. Or three sexes if we include the South African runner...

Anyway, my point is that we men are fully aware a watermelon won't fit through the garden hose... so we don't even try it.
Women on the other hand...

[VMX247]

Yes Wombat, its a crazy world we score the watermelon and you score the world of dirt bikes            I know who got the best deal 
cheers

[matcho mick]

ok while we're on this subject

 a notable gynecologist stated
The best engine in the world is the vagina
It can be started with one finger
It's self lubricating
It takes any size piston
And it changes it's oil every 4 weeks
It's only a pity that the EPU  is so f***ing tempermental

[VMX247]

ok while we're on this subject

 a notable gynecologist stated
The best engine in the world is the vagina
It can be started with one finger
It's self lubricating
It takes any size piston
And it changes it's oil every 4 weeks
It's only a pity that the EPU  is so f***ing tempermental

some models should have never been made   
cheers

[mx250]

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double-pane energy efficient kind and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.

Hellloooo,............just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid.

So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!
Helllooooo? It's been a year, I told him!

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up.
He never called back.
I bet he felt like an idiot..

[mx250]

Want an argument do ya?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQFKtI6gn9Y

[Nathan S]

http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f128/annaandnathan/15f3cl2.jpg

[lukeb1961]

Want an argument do ya?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQFKtI6gn9Y

it's a fair cop!!

[mx250]

[jackiemac]

 

[jackiemac]

A VERY ugly man walks into the bar with a big grin on his face, and orders a Draft beer.
'What are you so happy about?', asks the Bartender.
'Well, I'll tell you,' replies the ugly man.
'As you know, I live by the railroad tracks.
Well, on my way home from the bar last night, I noticed a young woman tied To the tracks, just like in the films. I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place. Anyway, to make a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all Night, all over the house. We did everything! Me on top, Sometimes her on top, every position imaginable!'
'Fantastic, you lucky bastard!', exclaimed the Bartender.
'Was she pretty?'
'Dunno...Never found the head!'

Keep Smiling
Jackie Mac

[mx250]

You're a sick puppy Jackie  .