Author Topic: Funnies/Jokes  (Read 652599 times)

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Offline EML

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1245 on: May 06, 2011, 05:31:59 pm »
Brad. Look up the one on cork soakers-even better. But that one is a beauty too.

mx250

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1246 on: May 07, 2011, 06:41:29 am »
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Women are like phones:
They like to be held, talked to, and touched often.
But push the wrong button and they won't function.  ::) :P

Offline matcho mick

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1247 on: May 18, 2011, 01:28:45 pm »
 

Irish Sawmill Accident


Paddy and Mick are two Irishmen working at the local sawmill.

One day, Mick slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw Paddy quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick to the local hospital.

Next day, Paddy goes to the hospital and asks after Mick.  The nurse says, "Oh he's out in Rehab exercising".

Paddy couldn't believe it, but here's Mick out the back exercising his now re-attached arm. The very next day he's back at work in the saw mill.

A couple of days go by, and then Mick slips and severs his leg on another bloody big saw.

So Paddy puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick off to Hospital.

Next day he calls in to see him and asks the nurse how he is. The nurse replies, "He's out in the Rehab again exercising".

And sure enough, here's Mick out there doing some serious work on the treadmill. And very soon Mick comes back to work.

But, as usual, within a couple of days he has another accident and severs his head.

Wearily Paddy puts the head in a plastic bag and transports it and Mick to hospital.

Next day he goes in and asks the nurse how Mick is. The nurse breaks down and cries and says, "He's dead."

Paddy is shocked, but not surprised. "I suppose the saw finally did him in."

"No", says the nurse, "Some dopey bastard put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
 
 
 

 
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cheapracer

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1248 on: May 18, 2011, 03:06:41 pm »
My wife's birthday was coming up and she kept talking about iPhones, iPads, iPod she even mention an i30 at one stage which I think is a car.

So I took the hint and bought her a lovely iRon.

Offline suzuki27

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1249 on: May 18, 2011, 06:02:57 pm »
I had my first night with my new Thai bride. We got into some foreplay and I was sucking her off when I thought,........."Hang on a fu-kin minute....."

cheapracer

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1250 on: May 18, 2011, 06:38:09 pm »
I had my first night with my new Thai bride. We got into some foreplay and I was sucking her off when I thought,........."Hang on a fu-kin minute....."

She was Vietnamese?

Offline Fabulous

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1251 on: May 18, 2011, 08:04:49 pm »
Went for a routine check up yesterday. All was fine until he stuck his index finger up my a*** .
Do you think I should change dentists?

Curly3

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1252 on: May 18, 2011, 08:41:06 pm »
A guy goes out with his mates on Fri arvo for a few drinks.
He rings his wife to tell her he'll be a bit late and she tell's him not to be too late because she's cooking a special dinner.
At 1am he tells his mates that he's in the shit and most come up with the usal excuses when one mate say's, just do what I do, sneak in, go sown on your missus and keep licking until the moaning stops.
I'll do it he say's.
He sneaks in the back door and goes up stairs, sides into bed and starts going for it.
30 min later the moaning stops.
He's thirsty by this stage and goes down stairs for a drink, he finds the light on in the kitchen and his wife sitting there.
She say's,
















Oh, you're home, be quiet when you go upstairs because Mum's staying over and she's sleeping in our room, :P ;D :P

Offline KTMaico

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1253 on: May 18, 2011, 09:15:53 pm »
Why is it great to make love to a woman in her forties?

Because they.....

Don't yell

Don't tell

Don't swell

and are gratefull as all hell
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Curly3

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1254 on: May 18, 2011, 09:19:26 pm »
Don't forget KT, a lot of us are over 50, a woman in her 40's sounds bloody good to me.

Offline KTMaico

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1255 on: May 18, 2011, 09:26:28 pm »
Don't forget KT, a lot of us are over 50, a woman in her 40's sounds bloody good to me.

I am 53 so I know what you mean.... Wait a minute my wife is in her forties!!!!  Oh Dear (calling) can you give me a moment please..
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1975 Suzuki RM125 S
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cheapracer

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1256 on: May 21, 2011, 04:13:19 pm »
http://www.wimp.com/animatoranimation/

Shouldn't the Joke Thread be a sticky or in it's own section?

Offline pancho

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1257 on: May 21, 2011, 05:50:22 pm »
 A young bloke I worked with once said to me about the previous subject-
 Quote: When I was 20 I was not interested in looking at any female over 19.
           At thirty five any under 35 was worth a look.
           Now that I'm 60 the field is excellent!
  cheers pancho.
dont follow me i'm probably off line!

Curly3

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1258 on: May 21, 2011, 06:09:04 pm »
A young Bull & an old Bull standing on a hill.
Young Bull says, look at all those Cow's down there, let's run down & shag one of them.
Off you go says the old Bull, I'm going to walk down & shag them all.

Offline YZ250H

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1259 on: May 21, 2011, 08:12:49 pm »
A young Bull & an old Bull standing on a hill.
Young Bull says, look at all those Cow's down there, let's run down & shag one of them.
Off you go says the old Bull, I'm going to walk down & shag them all.

There's a life lesson for everyone in that joke  ;)
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The only triple jumps he would have been doing are the hop, skip & jump.