Author Topic: Funnies/Jokes  (Read 652626 times)

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Offline matcho mick

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1215 on: April 14, 2011, 11:25:52 pm »
work,the curse of the racing class!!
if a hammer dosn't fix it,you have a electrical problem!!

Offline FAT-TOY

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1216 on: April 15, 2011, 10:51:12 am »
A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight.
The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easy.

So the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.
The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks..

The lawyer persists saying that the game is a lot of fun.  "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5.
Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500," he says.

This catches the senior's attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.
The lawyer asks the first question.  'What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?'
 
The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
Now it's the senior's turn.  He asks the lawyer, 'What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?'
The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references he could find on the Net.
He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up
He wakes the senior and then hands him $500. The senior pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, 'Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?'
The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.

You know you're going to send this one on . . . . .don't muck around with seniors!!!!


   

 

Everyday I find one more name to add to the list of people who piss me off.

Offline suzuki27

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1217 on: April 16, 2011, 11:51:04 am »
Phone rings..............woman answers................  ......pervert breaths, " Have you got a bald tight banana?"
Woman replies" Yes. He's on the couch. Who shall I say is calling?"

090

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1218 on: April 19, 2011, 08:32:10 pm »
A wife says to her husband your always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says what the f--k do you expect, your in a wheel chair.

My girlfriend threw me out because she caught me measuring the size of my penis !! How petty is that.
Anyway it turns out it just reaches the back of her sisters throat.

090

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1219 on: April 19, 2011, 08:56:07 pm »
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

Offline jackiemac

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1220 on: April 19, 2011, 09:25:08 pm »
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

:D ;D :D ;D :D ;D :D ;D :D ;D :D ;D :D ;D :D ;D :D ;D :D ;D :D ;D
Be kind to your neighbour!!

090

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1221 on: April 19, 2011, 09:30:03 pm »
My wife tried to be a bit sexy last night by shoving a lollipop up her fanny !! I told her to watch what she was doing because she would need it to see the kids across the road in the morning.

Offline jackiemac

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1222 on: April 19, 2011, 09:42:29 pm »
Stop it  :D ;D :D ;D :D ;D :D ;D :D ;D :D ;D :D ;D :D ;D :D ;D :D
Be kind to your neighbour!!

Offline matcho mick

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1223 on: April 20, 2011, 11:32:06 pm »


A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.
She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew
very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper
for a ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.

She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided
to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house
than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot
about ranching.

For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.

Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a
really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick
up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one
Saturday night.

One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.

Two o'clock and no hired hand.


Finally he returned a round two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found
the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting
for him.

She quietly called him over to her..

"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.

Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots."

He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks."
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

"Now take off my skirt."

He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

"Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told
and dropped it to the floor.

Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town
again, you're fired."


 
work,the curse of the racing class!!
if a hammer dosn't fix it,you have a electrical problem!!

090

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1224 on: April 25, 2011, 08:27:22 am »

Offline Mike52

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1225 on: April 25, 2011, 08:35:35 am »
85/400WR,86/240WR,72/DKW125,Pe250c,TC90,TS100,XT250,86/SRX250,XR400r
Friend  struggling up a hill on a old bike at MTMee .http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cjj6E2MP9xU.

Offline EML

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1226 on: May 02, 2011, 08:07:18 pm »
what's the difference between a low sperm count and Osama bin Laden?

one is dead in dads bag--and the other is dead in Baghdad!!!!

Offline EML

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1227 on: May 02, 2011, 08:09:37 pm »
Elton John has been asked to sing at Osama funeral but instead of "Candle in the wind"
 But the words have been changed to "sandles in the Bin"

mx250

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1228 on: May 02, 2011, 08:18:04 pm »
Too good, too fast EML  :D.


Curly3

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1229 on: May 02, 2011, 08:34:55 pm »
R.I.P. Osama Bin Laden, world hide & seek champion 2001 - 2011.