Funnies/Jokes

[matcho mick]

A young man moved out from home and into a new apartment. He proudly went
down to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.

While there, a stunning young lady came out of the apartment next to the
mailboxes wearing only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she
started up a conversation with him.

As they talked her robe slipped open. It was obvious that she had nothing
else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.

After a few minutes she placed her hand on his arm and said, 'Let's go to my
apartment, I hear someone coming.'

He followed her into her apartment, she closed the door and leaned against
it, allowing her robe to fall off completely.

Now nude she purred at him, 'What would you say is my best feature ?'

Flustered and embarrassed he finally squeaked, 'It's got to be your ears.'

Astounded and hurt she asked, 'My ears ? Look at these breasts, they are a
full 38 inches and 100% natural. I work out every day and my ass is firm and
solid. I have a 28 inch waist. Look at my skin, not a blemish anywhere. How
can you think that the best part of my body is my ears ?'

Clearing his throat he stammered, 'Outside, when you said you heard someone
coming.......that was me !'

 

[mx250]

Hmmmmmmmmmm,

[Pommie Barstad]

Q. What's the worst thing about oral sex?



A. The view.

[TM BILL]

Q. What's the worst thing about oral sex?



A. The view.

Personally i dont find the view of the top of a womans head that bad 

[mx250]

Q. What's the worst thing about oral sex?



A. The view.

Personally i dont find the view of the top of a womans head that bad 

  Talk about soooo politically incorrect  ..........

.....but sooooo funny.

You're a bracer man than I am Gunda Dinh .

[TM BILL]

Actually if you can convince her to wear one of those floating drinks holders on her head you can rest your beer and the view is then very acceptable 

PC was invented by some delusional fool who convinced themselves you can pick up a Turd by the nice end 

[shorelinemc]

perfect woman 3`tall with a flat head -somewhere to put your stubbie,then turns into a 6pack and a kilo of prawns at midnight

[Nathan S]

A long read, but amusing:
http://www.27bslash6.com/function4sports.html

[mx250]

[pancho]

 Another 'oldie but a goodie.'
  Koshie goes to the Olympic trials, mike in hand and walks up to this fellow and says
   "are you a pole vaulter?
       he answers.... wait for it...

  " No I'm German, but how do you know my name?"
                                  cheers pancho.

[GD66]

Really ? I heard that happened at a vmx sidecar nats...

[Curly3]

Q - Why are pubic hars curly?

A - So they don't poke you in the eye.

[matcho mick]

Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when they
 struck up a conversation...
 
The black Lab turned to the chocolate Lab and said, 'So why are you
here?' The brown Lab replied, 'I'm a pisser. I p!ss on everything...
the  sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last
night when I p!ssed in the middle of my owner's bed.'
 
The black Lab said, 'So what is the vet going to do?'. 'Gonna cut my
nuts off,' came the reply from the chocolate Lab.
'They reckon it'll calm me down".
 
The black Lab then turned to the yellow lab and asked, 'Why are you
here?'
The yellow Lab said, 'I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers
and trees, I dig just for the Hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up
the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big
hole in my owner's couch.'
'So what are they going to do to you?' the black Lab inquired. 'Looks
like I'm losing my nuts too', the dejected yellow Lab  said.
 
The yellow Lab then turned to the black Lab and asked, 'Why are you
here?'
'I'm a humper,' the black Lab said. 'I'll hump anything. I'll hump the
cat, a pillow, the table, fence posts, whatever.
I want to hump everything I see. Yesterday, my owner had just got out of
the shower and was bending down to dry her toes,  and I just couldn't help

myself. I hopped on her back and started humping away'.
The yellow and chocolate Labs exchanged a sad glance and said, 'So,
nuts off for you too, huh?'

The black Lab said... 'No, I'm here to get my nails clipped.'


  _____ 


 

 


 

[TM BILL]

Been trying to remember a song i was taught as a kid , its sung to the tune of magic moments 

can somone fill in the missing lines versus 


I'll never forget the smell of the sweat,
From under her armpits
the smell of her crotch was to forking much


It wasn't the grass that tickled her arse,
But my little finger.
?


Magic moments, when our two hearts are sharing,
Magic moments, filled with love.

I'll never forget the faggot I met,
On Waterloo station,
He gave me a chew, I'll do it for you,
Oh what a sensation.

Remember the night I fell in the shite,
With me brand new suit on.
The one that I got for selling the lot,
Of me Embassy coupons.

Chorus

Just for a laugh I went down the park,
And pissed on the flowers,
You sat on a rock and played with me cock,
For hours and hours.

Magic moments when our two hearts are sharing,
Magic moments filled with love

We went to the sea I knew it would be,
A time of emotion,
We laid on the sand my prick in your hand,
I pissed in the ocean.

We went for a ride, side by side,
We developed a wobble,
We fell on the grass I played with your arse,
You gave me a gobble

Chorus

[pancho]