Author Topic: Funnies/Jokes  (Read 628170 times)

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Offline Wombat

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #120 on: September 26, 2008, 08:38:18 PM »
True Tale - a Brisvagas Cabbie's tale

One rainy night in Spring Hill, a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley. Even before he rolled to a stop at the kerb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door.

Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat.

"Where to?" he stammered.

" Milton Road ", answered the woman.

"OK", he said, taking another long glance in the mirror.

The woman caught him staring at her and asked, "Just what the hell are you looking at?"

"Well ma'am", replied the driver, "I noticed that you're completely naked, and I was just wondering how you'll pay your fare."

The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat,smiled at the driver and said, "Does THIS answer your question?"

Still looking in the mirror, the cabbie asked, "Got anything smaller?" :o ::) ;D
Our girls are nice - she'd have to be a Tourist.
"Whadaya mean it's too loud?! It's a f*ckin' race bike!! That pipe makes it go louder - and look faster!!"

Offline caps 999

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #121 on: September 26, 2008, 08:47:14 PM »
husband and wife on 10th annversary wife strips for husband and says "what were you thinking when i first stripped for you 10 years ago"
husband replied "i was thinking i wanted to fork your brains out and suck your tits dry"
wife replies "what are you thinking now"
husband says "looks like i did a pretty good job"
MUGEN power

Offline Wombat

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #122 on: September 26, 2008, 08:50:07 PM »
husband and wife on 10th annversary wife strips for husband and says "what were you thinking when i first stripped for you 10 years ago"
husband replied "i was thinking i wanted to fork your brains out and suck your tits dry"
wife replies "what are you thinking now"
husband says "looks like i did a pretty good job"
Champagne comedy - top shelf there Caps! (in a totally sexist blokey sort of way).
"Whadaya mean it's too loud?! It's a f*ckin' race bike!! That pipe makes it go louder - and look faster!!"

Offline caps 999

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #123 on: September 26, 2008, 08:58:44 PM »
haha i thought that one would knock a bell
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Offline caps 999

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #124 on: September 26, 2008, 09:04:37 PM »
A bloke wins the lottery and decides to buy himself a Harley Davidson, he goes down to his local bike shop and after purchasing a top of the range bike, the owner of the shop tells him to coat the bike in Vaseline every time it looks like raining. That night he goes and picks his girlfriend up on his new toy and heads over to her parents house for the first time. As they arrive there, she explains to him that whenever they have dinner, don't talk.
"If you talk," she tells him, "you have to do the pots." The man is astounded as he walks into the house as it is a complete mess. Anyway, the family all sit down for dinner not saying a word. The man decides to take advantage of the situation by groping his girlfriend's tits, yet there is not a sound from anyone.
So he decides to shag his bird on the table, and still there is not a word. He then proceeds to do his girlfriend's mum over the table, but still, amazingly, there's not a word from anyone. Just at that moment he notices the rain on the kitchen window and remembers his precious motorbike, so he reaches into his pocket and flops the Vaseline out.
At which point his girlfriend's dad leaps up and shouts, "Okay! Okay! I'll do the forking pots!"
MUGEN power

Offline caps 999

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #125 on: September 26, 2008, 09:04:53 PM »
Three men go on holiday abroad together. The tourist office informs them that there is only one hotel in town with vacancies. The lads go along there, only to be told by reception that there is just one available room left in the hotel. They are not keen, but as it is their only option, they take the room for one evening and share its only bed.
That night, they all enjoy a good night's sleep. In the morning, the guy on the right side of the bed says,
"I dreamt I had the best wank last night."
The guy on the left side says,
"That's funny, I had the exact same dream!".
The guy in the middle says, "I dreamt I was skiing."
MUGEN power

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #126 on: September 28, 2008, 06:29:48 AM »
Yeah, I can identify with that ;D

Offline Wombat

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #127 on: October 09, 2008, 10:59:01 AM »
SOMETHING HERE TO UPSET EVERYONE...  

Tasmanian couple walking out of the divorce court, the wife is crying her heart out.
Husband says ' Oh for f*ck's sake stop crying, you're still my sister'


Wife say's to husband, 'Doctor says I have the tits and a*s of an 18 year old'
Husband says 'What about your 40 year old c*nt?'
Wife says ' We didn’t mention you'!

My ex wife asked what reincarnation is. 
I explained, when you die you come back as something else.
She said she wanted to come back as a pig.
I said, 'Your not f*cking listening'!


Was depressed last night, rang lifeline. Got a call centre in Afghanistan, told them I was suicidal.
They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

I am going to watch my wedding video in reverse later. 
I love the part where she takes her ring off and walks down the isle backwards, gets in the car and f*ck's off.


Today an Abo was found nailed to a tree, stabbed six times and shot twice.
Redfern police said it's the worst case of suicide they had ever seen.

A car bomb was found outside Lakemba mosque today.
Police have urged the public not to panic as they have managed to push it inside the Mosque.


A female Al-Queda terrorist was found dead today in her bathroom.
Police believe she got her anthrax mixed up with her tampax and blew up the wrong c*nt.

Woman goes into a shoe shop and sees a gorgeous pair of white stilettos. She asks what are they made of.
The assistant said they were made from human skin and cost $1500.00 a pair.
The woman said she could not afford that. The assistant said says
'Don't worry, we have them in black for $4.99.


Young woman in labour, shouting and screaming as usual, 'get this out of me, give me an epidural.
She turns to the boyfriend and says 'You did this to me you f*cker'.
He replied casually,  'If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your ar*e but you said,
'F*ck off it'll be too painful',
Now who's laughing'?
 
 
 
 

"Whadaya mean it's too loud?! It's a f*ckin' race bike!! That pipe makes it go louder - and look faster!!"

mx250

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #128 on: October 09, 2008, 11:53:12 AM »
Wombie, that is the most disgusting collection of politically incorrect jokes I have ever seen.....

.....but funny ;D. ;D ;D ;D ::) :P

Here's another.

A man robs a bank and takes hostages. He asks the first hostage,
 
"Did you see me rob the bank?"

The hostage answers, "Yes."

The robber promptly shoots him in the head.

He then asks the second hostage, "Did you see me rob the bank?"

The hostage answers, "No, but my wife did."  ;D ;D ;D

Offline Wombat

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #129 on: October 09, 2008, 12:42:38 PM »
Wombie, that is the most disgusting collection of politically incorrect jokes I have ever seen.....

Yeah, I nearly deleted the racial ones but I didn't wish to discriminate...
"Whadaya mean it's too loud?! It's a f*ckin' race bike!! That pipe makes it go louder - and look faster!!"

Offline YZ250H

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #130 on: October 09, 2008, 06:54:49 PM »
 

**Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg,**
**'Hello?'**
**'Hi honey.**
**This is Daddy.**
**Is Mommy near the phone?'**

**'No, Daddy.**
**She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.'**

**After a brief pause,**

**Daddy says,**
**'But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul.'**

**'Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy,**
**Right now.'**

**Brief Pause.

**'Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.**
**Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs**
**And knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy**
**That Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway.'**

**'Okay, Daddy, Just a minute.'**

**A few minutes later**
**The little girl comes back to the phone.**

**'I did it, Daddy.'**

**'And what happened, honey?' **

**'Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming.**

**Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser**
**And now she isn't moving at all!'**

**'Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?'**

**'He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too.**

**He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window**
**And into the swimming pool.**
**But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it.**

**He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead.'**

*****Long Pause*****

*****Longer Pause*****

*****Even Longer Pause*****

**Then Daddy says,**

**'Swimming pool? .**

**Is this 486-5731?'*

**No, I think you have the wrong number.......*

 

 
 
 
 
 
Looking for YZ250C parts NOS if possible

"My inability to use emoticins in the right context is really getting me down :)
The only triple jumps he would have been doing are the hop, skip & jump.

mx250

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #131 on: October 09, 2008, 07:35:20 PM »

mx250

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #132 on: October 10, 2008, 12:46:44 PM »
Skinny Dipping.

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years and
had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he
fixed it up nicely with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple
and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't
been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket
to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the
deep end. One of the women shouted to him, 'We're not coming out until you leave!'

The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim
naked or even make you get out of the pond naked.'

Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm just here to feed the alligator.'

Some old men can still think fast. . . ;D

Offline Hoony

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #133 on: October 11, 2008, 10:17:03 AM »
There's an effort to elect an unknown random person as President... and it's someone we know! Watch this online video about the surprising new nominee:

http://www.tsgnet.com/pres.php?id=46832&altf=Nbhpp&altl=
Long time Honda Fan, but all bike nut in general, Big Bore 2 stroke fan.    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XJoKP6MawYI
1985 Honda CR500RF "Big Red"
1986 Honda CR250RG
2005 KTM 300EXC "The GruntMeister" ( I love that engine)

mx250

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #134 on: October 11, 2008, 01:31:44 PM »
There's an effort to elect an unknown random person as President... and it's someone we know! Watch this online video about the surprising new nominee:

http://www.tsgnet.com/pres.php?id=46832&altf=Nbhpp&altl=

What's he manifesto? No child shall be without a VMX! All towns shall have a VMX friendly MX track! Big End and Piston Kits for CR500's are to be considered essential to the National Interest and all National Resources shall be mobilised to ensure their ongoing supply! All VMX resto costs and all VMX racing costs are to be 100% tax write offs. It shall be obligatory for all VMX race organisers to provide free beer and BBQ at the end of each race meeting ;D.