Author Topic: Funnies/Jokes  (Read 662270 times)

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Offline Lozza

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #900 on: September 30, 2010, 12:18:54 pm »
How many motorcyclists does it take to change a light bulb?


 ???



1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the
light bulb could have been changed differently

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs

6 to argue over whether it’s “lightbulb” or “light bulb” …

another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is “lamp”

15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that “light
bulb” is perfectly correct

19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take
this discussion to a light bulb forum

11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light
bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum

36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where
to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for
this technique and what brands are faulty

5 People to post pics of their own light bulbs

15 People to post “I can’t see S$%^!” and their own light bulbs

7 to post URL’s where one can see examples of different light bulbs

4 to post that the URL’s were posted incorrectly and then post the
corrected URL’s

13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including
all headers and signatures, and add “Me too”

5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they
cannot handle the light bulb controversy

4 to say “didn’t we go through this already a short time ago?”

13 to say “do a search on light bulbs before posting questions about
light bulbs”

1 to bring politics into the discussion by adding that George W. isn’t
the brightest bulb.

4 more to get into personal attacks over their political views.

1 moderator to lock the light bulb thread.

1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and
start it all over again.
Jesus only loves two strokes

Offline vmx42

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #901 on: September 30, 2010, 01:23:51 pm »
How many motorcyclists does it take to change a light bulb?


 ???



1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the
light bulb could have been changed differently

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs

6 to argue over whether it’s “lightbulb” or “light bulb” …

another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is “lamp”

15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that “light
bulb” is perfectly correct

19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take
this discussion to a light bulb forum

11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light
bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum

36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where
to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for
this technique and what brands are faulty

5 People to post pics of their own light bulbs

15 People to post “I can’t see S$%^!” and their own light bulbs

7 to post URL’s where one can see examples of different light bulbs

4 to post that the URL’s were posted incorrectly and then post the
corrected URL’s

13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including
all headers and signatures, and add “Me too”

5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they
cannot handle the light bulb controversy

4 to say “didn’t we go through this already a short time ago?”

13 to say “do a search on light bulbs before posting questions about
light bulbs”

1 to bring politics into the discussion by adding that George W. isn’t
the brightest bulb.

4 more to get into personal attacks over their political views.

1 moderator to lock the light bulb thread.

1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and
start it all over again.


Sorry Lozza,
I am not sure I understand…? Can you supply more detail?  :D
When a woman says "What?", it's not because she didn't hear you, she's giving you the chance to chance to change what you said.

Beam me up Scotty, no intelligent life down here…

"everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but not to their own facts"

Offline Lozza

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #902 on: September 30, 2010, 04:57:04 pm »
Careful vmx42 this thread has moved off topic I have to envoke the.......

Jesus only loves two strokes

TooFastTim

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #903 on: October 01, 2010, 09:11:12 pm »
A women walks into a pub and asks the barman for a double entendre. So he gave her one. 

Offline GD66

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #904 on: October 01, 2010, 10:39:17 pm »
Good one ! ;)
Nostalgia's not what it used to be....

Offline pancho

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #905 on: October 02, 2010, 01:29:54 pm »
I liked the UCLA study Mick. cheers pancho
dont follow me i'm probably off line!

Offline matcho mick

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #906 on: October 04, 2010, 09:58:43 pm »

 
A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and she says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.

She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and

I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?' To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.

'There's no charge,' she says.

'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.

'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'

'So I just switched the heads.'




 

.
 

 

 


work,the curse of the racing class!!
if a hammer dosn't fix it,you have a electrical problem!!

TM BILL

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #907 on: October 08, 2010, 04:39:16 am »
I've just come out of the shop with a meat and potatoe pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days' I told him 'I wish I had your f#cking will power'


 
Top tip; if your camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the next tent tells you that because it's so hot she will be sleeping with her flaps open, it's not necessarily an invitation to casual sex........... Wish me luck, I appear in court next Monday.


 
I got fired on my first day as a male masseuse today.. Apparently the instruction ' finish off on her face ' didn't mean ' What I thought it did '


 
A fat bird served me food in McDonalds at lunch time, she said ' sorry about the wait ' I said ' don't worry, you'll lose it eventually '


 
Paddy is walking down the road eating a bag of doughnuts, Murphy meets him & says ' if I can guess how many doughnuts you have in the bag, can I have one? Paddy said ' if you can guess how many doughnuts are in there you can have both of them!! '...............Murphy says 'Four!'



 

I know how those poor bastards in Haiti feel. Last time I had a few aftershocks I couldn't find my house either.



   
Snow hell! The weather girl said she was expecting 8 inches tonight, I thought to myself ' she'll be lucky with a face like that!'




 
I have a new chat up line that works everytime!! It doesn't matter how gorgeous or out of my league a woman might be, this line is a winner & I always end up in bed with them...............Here's how it goes 'Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion? Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?'





 
Years ago it was suggested ' that an apple a day kept the doctor away ' But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works a treat!








« Last Edit: October 08, 2010, 05:19:54 am by TM BILL »

mx250

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #908 on: October 08, 2010, 06:03:00 am »
A fat bird served me food in McDonalds at lunch time, she said ' sorry about the wait '

I said ' don't worry, you'll lose it eventually '


Thanks Bill  8)

Curly3

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #909 on: October 08, 2010, 08:39:36 am »
I bought one of those 3D televisions the other day.
Man do they make things look like they are coming out of the screen at you.
I fell asleep last night watching a doco about Aborigines and when I woke up my wallet was gone.

Offline Hoony

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #910 on: October 08, 2010, 06:49:22 pm »
Nice...... :D
Long time Honda Fan, but all bike nut in general, Big Bore 2 stroke fan.    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XJoKP6MawYI
1985 Honda CR500RF "Big Red"
1986 Honda CR250RG
2005 KTM 300EXC "The GruntMeister" ( I love that engine)

Offline FAT-TOY

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #911 on: October 08, 2010, 10:54:04 pm »
2 work mates talking first bloke says I dont know whats wrong with me lately I was trying to order lunch earlier and do you think I could say what I meant to say, the words just wouldn't come out right and in the end I just said give me a pie.  second bloke says I know exactly what you mean at dinner last night I meant to say to the wife( can you pass me the salt) but insted I said ( you f#cked up my life you bitch)
Everyday I find one more name to add to the list of people who piss me off.

Offline suzuki27

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #912 on: October 11, 2010, 05:40:55 pm »
Did you know:
                   That in 1872 the New Zealanders invented the condom by using a sheep's bladder.
                    In 1873 the English somewhat refined the idea by taking the bladder out of the sheep first!

Curly3

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #913 on: October 11, 2010, 06:50:26 pm »
Q - What is the difference between Erotic & Perverted.
A - Erotic is when you use a feather & Perverted is when you use the whole chook.

mx250

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #914 on: October 11, 2010, 07:48:56 pm »
Q - What is the difference between Erotic & Perverted.
A - Erotic is when you use a feather & Perverted is when you use the whole chook.
;D


Gee, I was told erotic when you used a younger woman, perverted was when you used an older woman. 8)

(Women readers can invert gender ;) :D)