Funnies/Jokes

[mx250]

Motherhood, a natural caring bond between mother and offspring.........



















 

[shorelinemc]

A bloke goes to the Doctor with a problem.He drops his pants and said to the doc -my dick has gone yellow .the doctor has a look and is puzzled.i think we need to do some blood tests ,come back in a week ,the fella comes back but the doc has no answer .Spends the next week reading all books ,the internet .the bloke comes back  still no answer ,so the doc asks the usuall questions ie what do you do for a job ,work enviroment etc .still no idea  so  doc asks about hobbies, to which the bloke replies  i dont have much in the way of hobbies.the doctor said  you must do some thing to relax and the bloke said  welll i do like to watch pornos and eat twisties

[Wombat]

A bloke goes to the Doctor with a problem.He drops his pants and said to the doc -my dick has gone yellow .the doctor has a look and is puzzled.i think we need to do some blood tests ,come back in a week ,the fella comes back but the doc has no answer .Spends the next week reading all books ,the internet .the bloke comes back  still no answer ,so the doc asks the usuall questions ie what do you do for a job ,work enviroment etc .still no idea  so  doc asks about hobbies, to which the bloke replies  i dont have much in the way of hobbies.the doctor said  you must do some thing to relax and the bloke said  welll i do like to watch pornos and eat twisties

Thanks so much for this!! You've saved me a trip to the Doctor!

[VMX247]

thread bear

[VMX247]

Is this what they do at those kamp kevlar places ??

[Rosco400]

Whats the odd one out

a.     A Toaster
b.     A Washing Machine
c.     A Refridgerator
d.     A Woman
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Answer: I has to be the Toaster, its the only one that doesnt drip after its screwed. (hope thats allowed)

[mx250]

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.



 David Bissonette

[Hoony]

There are only two ways to understand women.

and no man knows either of them.

[VMX247]

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
 David Bissonette

  yep 22 years of madness 

[mx250]

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates
 

[mx250]

Disclaimer; these are jokes . No personal, city or suburb slur intended. You could probably delete the particular suburbs names and insert any suburb in any city in the world - sad but true - a comment on modern life?!!!!!

A  Blacktown  girl goes to Centrelink to register for child benefit.

"How many children?" asks the assessor.

"Ten" replies the  Blacktown  girl,

"Ten?" says the Centrelink worker.

"What are their names?"

"Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan
and Nathan"

"Doesn't that get confusing?"

"Naah..." says the Blacktown girl, "Its great because if they are out
playing in the street I just have shout 'NATHAN, YER DINNER'S READY!' or

'NATHAN GO TO BED NOW!' and they all do it..."

"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed
Centrelink worker.

"That's easy," says the Blacktown girl... "I just use their surnames"





A Fairfield girl enters an adult shop & asks for a vibrator.

The man says: "Choose one from our range on the wall." She says "I'll
take the red one."

The man replies: "That's a fire extinguisher."





Q. Two Redfern girls jump off a cliff. Who wins?

A. Society.

 



Q. What do you call a 30 year old Mt Druitt girl?

A. Granny.

 

Q. Why did the Redfern girl cross the road?

A. To start a fight with a complete stranger for no reason whatsoever.

 

Q. What do you call a Bankstown girl in a white tracksuit?

A. The bride.

 

Q. What's the first question during an Wentworthville quiz night?

A. What you looking at? 


 Q. What does a Mt Druitt girl use as protection during sex?

A. A bus shelter. 




Q. Two Cabramatta kids in a car without any music - who is driving?

A. The policeman.



Q. What's the difference between a boy and a Mt Druitt girl?

A. A Mt Druitt girl has a higher sperm count.

 

Q. What's the most confusing day in Blacktown ?

A. Fathers day



Q. How do people know Jesus wasn't born in Blacktown ?

A. You try finding 3 wise men and a virgin there!

[mx250]

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed.

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive.
"Yes, I do" she replies. The husband paused. The words were not coming easily.

"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"
"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said,
"Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?"

    "I remember that too" she replied softly.
    He wiped another tear from his cheek and said...

    ". . .. I would have gotten out today."

As they say, ya get less for murder.

[mx250]

http://s323.photobucket.com/albums/nn458/mx250syd/?action=view&current=vrai-motard.flv

[mx250]

http://s323.photobucket.com/albums/nn458/mx250syd/?action=view&current=HowaRealManTakesoffhisUnderwear1.flv

[VMX247]

Different way to take the bull by the horns   



VALENTINES DAY FRIDAY - SPOIL YOURSELVES ROTTEN