Author Topic: Funnies/Jokes  (Read 662753 times)

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Offline jackiemac

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1110 on: February 12, 2011, 04:39:58 pm »


Bloke in a night club sees a big fat girl at the bar, he walks up to her and asks;
"Have you got a pen?"
 She looks up and smiled and says;
"Yes"
 
"Well" he says; "you'd better fork off back to it then before the farmer finds you're missing".
 
 
 Keep Smiling :)
Jackie Mac
Be kind to your neighbour!!

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1111 on: February 12, 2011, 08:55:31 pm »
Thought this was worth sharing. From another forum member :)

PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO TORONTO , WHEN A BLONDE IN
ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP, AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS
SECTION AND SITS DOWN.

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS, AND ASKS
TO SEE HER TICKET.
 

SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY
CLASS, AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.

THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M
GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS
THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE
BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN
ECONOMY, AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.

THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO
EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY
SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT.

THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M
GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."

THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD
HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST
THIS BLONDE WOMAN, WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.

THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL
HANDLE THIS, I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE."

HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR,
AND SHE SAYS, "OH, I'M SORRY." AND GETS UP AND GOES
BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND
ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT
ANY FUSS.



"I TOLD HER, "FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO

Offline Hoony

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1112 on: February 13, 2011, 06:56:44 pm »
this is an ad i saw in local paper yesterday ( fair dinkum   ??? )

house cleaning -   i come to you  ::)
Long time Honda Fan, but all bike nut in general, Big Bore 2 stroke fan.    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XJoKP6MawYI
1985 Honda CR500RF "Big Red"
1986 Honda CR250RG
2005 KTM 300EXC "The GruntMeister" ( I love that engine)

Offline Nathan S

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1113 on: February 13, 2011, 07:44:21 pm »
Remembering the Harley threads from a ew months ago, I choose to believe that this guy was OK...







































The good thing about telling the truth is that you don't have to remember what you said.

Offline Mike52

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1114 on: February 13, 2011, 08:18:04 pm »
That got the attention of all the other guys Nathan.
85/400WR,86/240WR,72/DKW125,Pe250c,TC90,TS100,XT250,86/SRX250,XR400r
Friend  struggling up a hill on a old bike at MTMee .http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cjj6E2MP9xU.

mx250

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1115 on: February 13, 2011, 08:21:35 pm »
Gives a whole new meaning to a Shit Hot Harley - it normally means they are 50% shit and 50% hot.

That Harley is just plain HOT ;D

Offline SLAWESY

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1116 on: February 13, 2011, 08:23:54 pm »
DAZ n BAZ.... Queenslanders will appreciate this one.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2brDNo23ic&feature=youtube_gdata_player
YZ125E, RM250T

Quote
Is it way too small? A bit of work with the heat gun or hot water could soften it enough to fit if it's close. Maybe some rubber friendly grease as well.
Mainline "classic"

Offline YZ250H

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1117 on: February 13, 2011, 09:02:47 pm »
That got the attention of all the other guys Nathan.

Number 53 still has his race face on  ;)
Looking for YZ250C parts NOS if possible

"My inability to use emoticins in the right context is really getting me down :)
The only triple jumps he would have been doing are the hop, skip & jump.

Offline tony27

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1118 on: February 14, 2011, 06:12:08 pm »
Brings new meaning to firing up on the start line :o

Offline pirie593

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1119 on: February 15, 2011, 06:57:59 pm »
After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment of a prostate test on
the National Health Service, a friend of mine decided to have his next test carried out while visiting in
Thailand where the beautiful nurses are rather more gentle and accommodating.

As usual he was asked to strip off, he lay naked on his side
on the bed and the nurse began the examination.

"At this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an erection" said the nurse.


"I haven't got an erection" said the man.


"No, but I have" replied the nurse.
 

Offline Mick D

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1120 on: February 15, 2011, 11:11:25 pm »
"light weight, and it works great"  :)

Curly3

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1121 on: February 15, 2011, 11:18:07 pm »
Sadly a young Arab kid from Lebkemba tried to set himself on fire the other day using 1/2 lite of petrol.
The local community have rallied together and are asking for donations to help his family.
So far we've managed to raise 205 litres.

Offline Mick D

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1122 on: February 16, 2011, 12:02:31 am »
A Pom on holidays at Ularu sneaks over to take a leak with Morton behind the Coolabah tree.

Pom can’t help spying Morton’s Jewelery. “ Oh my lord! If only I had one like that” Pom exclaims.

Morton says “ Hey,,,,, no prob bro,, just hang a brick from it for a week bro”

Morton runs into Pom a week latter, and says “Hey,,,,, bro,,,, ,, how you go with that brick bro?????"

Pom replies, "Ooooh owe Ooh,,,,,,  I am half way there,,,,,   Its turned black".
« Last Edit: February 16, 2011, 10:44:19 am by MICK-DE »
"light weight, and it works great"  :)

Offline DOK

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1123 on: February 16, 2011, 11:37:56 am »
An Indian guy walks into Franklins.
Excuse me miss I have found a name for your no name toilet paper.
it should be called John Wayne cos it dont take no sh!t from no indians

Offline DOK

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #1124 on: February 16, 2011, 11:42:17 am »
For people who like words!
 
 
 
The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again
invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding,
subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are the winners:
 
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until
you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little
sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid.
7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running
late.
10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a
serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido : All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when
they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into
your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in
the fruit you're eating.
 

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its
yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for
common words.
And the winners are:
 
1. Coffee, n.. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has
gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4 esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing
only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v.. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has
been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam paper.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by
proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with
Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies
up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by
Jewish men

and Vulvoline when personal lubrication is required (you know what I mean)