Funnies/Jokes

[oldskool]

when is an elf not an elf?.....................................................when hes got his head up a fairies dress a gobblin

[oldskool]

oops hes a gobblin

[oldskool]

why do they name cyclones after women?..................................when they first arrive there all wet and wild and when they leave they take the house and car

[VMX247]

He said to me ... . ......... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said . That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart 

[oldfart]

How true.

[Husk72]

If I had a rooster,and you had a donkey,and your donkey ate my rooster,what would we have?

Two feet of my cock in your ass!

My first funny,hope it ain't being posted on here before.

Happy New Year to ya's all!!


                                                 Cheers,Mark.

[pirie593]

[bigk]

The difference between knowledge & wisdom.
Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is knowing not to use one in a fruit salad.
Cheers,
K

[Bullymad]

Hope i am not repeating this one

A mate of mine went over to India to watch the Cricket when Australia was on tour.
While he was there he thought he might try to hook up with some of the local talent.
He latched on to a very attractive young lady with one of those red dots on her forehead.
Being a very brain dead bugga he decided to find out what was under the red dot and scratched it off.
Surprise surprise he won a new Ford

[090]

Just don't offer them any chicken. They might think you are racist.
 I'm no racist either, I hate everyone equally.

[VMX247]

STAY FOCUSED FOR 2010

[VMX247]

2010 REMEMBER YOUR MUM AND TEAM WORK   

[mx250]

2010 REMEMBER YOUR MUM AND TEAM WORK   

That looks like a Dad playing Piggy Back with the kids to keep them entertained while Mum is off getting her nails done  .

[VMX247]

Daffy  Duck, away on a dirty weekend, calls hotel reception and asks for a condom.

The receptionist replies, “Shall I put it on your  bill, Sir?”

Daffy  responds...

“Don't  be thucking thupid, I'd thufficate!!!!”       

[mx250]

CATHOLIC  COFFEE


Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.


The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."


The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."


The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."


Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"
She proudly replies, "I have a daughter,

slim,
tall,
38D breast,
24" waist,
34" hips.
When she walks into a room people say,
"Oh My God."