Author Topic: Funnies/Jokes  (Read 663508 times)

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Offline Nathan S

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #615 on: December 12, 2009, 01:45:04 pm »
The difference between Santa and Tiger Woods, is that Santa stops at three Hos.
The good thing about telling the truth is that you don't have to remember what you said.

Offline matcho mick

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #616 on: December 13, 2009, 12:16:04 pm »
a bloke walks into a bar in New Zealand & orders a shandy
all the kiwis sitting around the bar look up expecting to see another ozzie vistor
the bartender says,"you aint from around here are ya?"
the bloke replies,"no,i'm from Canada"
the bartender says,"Canada!,do you do in Canada?"
the guy says,"i'm a taxidermist"
the bartenders says,"tixidermist!,what the hick is a tixidermist?,do you drive a tixi?"
"no" says the Canadian,"a taxidermist dosen't drive a taxi,he mounts animals!"
the bartender grins & yells out!
"he's ok boys,he's one of us!!"
work,the curse of the racing class!!
if a hammer dosn't fix it,you have a electrical problem!!

mx250

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #617 on: December 13, 2009, 07:43:14 pm »

Offline VMX247

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #618 on: December 13, 2009, 08:53:13 pm »
I went for a ride on the beach today and the bike just stalled. Kept trying to start for about an hour, push start also, but failed. When i got home the air filter was wet with a tad of water in the air box. What now? Do i have to change oil? spark plug? wouild there be huge damage? It is a 2002 YZ426.

 ::)   Not a bike too buy in the future   ::)    some mothers do have em  :-\    ;D
I posted this up cause it reminds me of people who buy a 60k toyota and take it down the beach for its first run and swim  ;D
« Last Edit: December 13, 2009, 09:43:03 pm by VMX247 »
Best is in the West !!

mx250

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #619 on: December 14, 2009, 07:36:54 am »

Offline VMX247

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #620 on: December 14, 2009, 10:00:52 am »
Life is all about asses.
You're either covering it,
Laughing it off,
Kicking it,
Kissing it,
Busting it,
Trying to get a piece of it,
Or behaving like one.
Best is in the West !!

Offline jackiemac

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #621 on: December 16, 2009, 11:32:23 am »
 


 

CHEWING GUM!

An Australian man was having a coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when an American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him.

The Australian politely ignored the American, who, nevertheless started up a conversation.

The American snapped his gum and said, 'You Australian folk eat the whole bread?'

The Australian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, 'of course.'

The American blew a huge bubble. 'We don't.  In the States, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle them, transform them into croissants and sell them to Australia .'

The American had a smirk on his face. The Australian listened in silence.

The American persisted, 'D'ya eat jam with your bread?' Sighing, the Australian  replied, 'of course.'

Cracking his gum between his teeth, the American said, 'we don't. In the States, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds and the leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell it to Australia ..


The Australian then asked, 'Do you have sex in the States?' The American smiled and said 'Why of course we do.' The Australian leaned closer to him and asked, 'And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?'

'We throw them away, of course!' Now it was the Australians turn to smile.

'We don't. In Australia , we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to the United States.  Why do you think it's called Wrigley's?'?


MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE, HAVE A SAFE AND HAPPY HOLIDAY
 
 
Keep Smiling :)
Jackie Mac

 
Be kind to your neighbour!!

Offline shorelinemc

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #622 on: December 16, 2009, 11:53:02 am »
WHATS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEM EROTIC AND KINKY? EROTIC YOU USE THE FEATHER AND KINKY YOU USE THE WHOLE CHOOK

Offline Nathan S

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #623 on: December 18, 2009, 07:38:35 am »
It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have
turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the
children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early
dismissal.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can
leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart
and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the
questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would
keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny: "Tiger Woods. Can I go now?"
The good thing about telling the truth is that you don't have to remember what you said.

Offline VMX247

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #624 on: December 22, 2009, 11:36:26 pm »
While watching TV and having the greatest laugh   Cheesy   with an American commenting on Auzzie Formula Ford's on the east coast,and during a crash he referred to the driver saying he would have sore "DINGO BERRY'S" in the morning.  Cheesy
I know small things amuse small minds,but hearing it from an American was whacky  Grin
cheers
Best is in the West !!

Offline Tim754

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #625 on: December 23, 2009, 10:35:08 am »
Yep heard that too,  OK I will have to admit I know not what a "Dingo Berry" is......
I may not agree with what you have to say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it.
                                                   Voltaire.

Offline VMX247

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #626 on: December 23, 2009, 10:52:46 am »
Yep heard that too,  OK I will have to admit I know not what a "Dingo Berry" is......

We thought the same... ::)   American's have a odd picture of Aussie wild dog testicles ... ;D

We've heard of a Dingos Breakfast ...good scratch,pee and a look around... ;D
cheers
Best is in the West !!

Offline YUMASTEPSIDE

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #627 on: December 24, 2009, 06:40:23 am »
........yanks usually say " dingle berry's".....nuts,'nads ;D ;D ;D

            Roger

Offline VMX247

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #628 on: December 24, 2009, 10:37:42 am »
........yanks usually say " dingle berry's".....nuts,'nads ;D ;D ;D
 Roger

Thanks Yumastepside-That clears that up...been in the bush too long here  ;D
cheers
Best is in the West !!

mx250

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #629 on: December 30, 2009, 08:25:14 pm »