Author Topic: Anyone remember Ed Hertfelder? "The Duct Tapes"  (Read 5915 times)

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Offline PBMGold

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Anyone remember Ed Hertfelder? "The Duct Tapes"
« on: August 26, 2015, 11:47:40 am »
After travelling down memory lane thanks to Alex Brown's scan of the IT490 test, I somehow (just how do our brains work?) recalled my favourite writer back in the day. I religiously bought Cycle magazine and then Dirt Rider magazine (even subscribed) just so I could read Ed Hertfelders monthly story. They were always funny and he managed to capture the misery and the joy of enduro riding and his Bench Racing stories aspired us to aim at being a Pro level talker/non rider. Dave Lucas was laways my favourite Brisbane bench racer. You still out there Dave?

Google hasn't been much help as to what became of Ed but he must be truly ancient if he is still with us. Anyone know anything or would like to share some stories. I found one story about Greeves ownership. I'll post it soon. I have Ed's book '80.2 Change to 27mph' so I could try scanning the articles if anyone is interested.

Offline PBMGold

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Re: Anyone remember Ed Hertfelder? "The Duct Tapes"
« Reply #1 on: August 26, 2015, 11:49:39 am »
Moveable Trademark 

By Ed Hertfelder

Brought to you from the archives of Motorcycle Online & Trail Rider Magazine 

Don't mean to run this Greeves business into the ground, but the more I think about it the more I realize the Greeves was a real breakthrough motorcycle. At a time when we were trying to ride your basic "street" machine over rocks and stumps and steep hills, with some deep water thrown in just for laughs, it was obvious that the motorcycles were never INTENDED for such use. Clutch plates that wouldn't even get warm on a coast to coast trip would fry themselves slick trying to break free from a little tree root hooked over a foot peg. Compounding the clutch problem was the street-style transmission gear ratios.

Some trail riders tried to correct this failing with monster rear sprockets up to almost rim diameter; they looked like saw blades from a lumber mill. The theory here was good, very good, but the application left everything to be desired. One problem was that top speed was reduced to engine valve float on four strokes and air strangulation on two strokes.

A secondary problem was the big sprocket meant the chain was running more or less constantly submerged in mud, sand, gravel and other nasties never even considered by the chain manufacturers. And all those small twigs and branches lifted off the trail by the front tire were ALWAYS picked up by all the drooping low chain and wrapped around either the front or rear sprockets, and sometimes both at the same time.

One benefit of an oversize rear sprocket might be felt if you happened to get the motorcycle hung up trying to cross a large log. (The modern term is "cased"; us ancients called it "overcentered"). The chain laying on the log might help crossing the log or, more likely, cut a groove EXACTLY like a chain saw as the rear wheel spun gloriously in mid air.

If this happened, any attempt to lift the motorcycle had to be straight up out of the groove or the chain would jam and anchor you right there--unless you got really lucky and were rammed from the rear by a heavy Matchless or, best of all, some dummy on a Harley 45.

Without question the Greeves was the first motorcycle designed 100 percent for trail riding. Their weight was kept near the 200 pound mark and they could be thrown off rocky cliffs with no, or very little, damage. Only thing was, they LOOKED like they could be thrown off cliffs with little or no damage. That is to say, they CAME with little dings in the soft aluminum fenders, and Cliff Ferris, the New Jersey dealer, told me that no two of them were ever exactly alike in wire and control cable routing. Not surprising, as we later learned they were constructed from the frame up by a single person who traveled back and forth to the parts bins and was then privileged to start the new machine and ride it to the shipping dock.

Greeves had a distinctive trademark: a trademark that was transferable to everyone who ever rode one. In fact, you could stand near the back of an event's rider meeting and spot all the Greeves riders easily, which was a big help if you needed to borrow a Greeves part or you needed assistance correcting a problem. They never advertised the trademark, for good reason, but it was very useful just the same. You see, all Greeves swing arms were square-sectioned, built up from stampings welded together with weld beads the size of your thumb. None of this round-sectioned water pipe everyone else was using that could twist just hitting a deep shadow.

At the top of the swingarm was a spring loaded cap, and at the bottom over the chain was a small needle valve. The idea was to fill the swingarm with oil and adjust the needle to lube the chain as you rode merrily along. And THAT was the trademark--the black stripe up every Greeves rider's jacket from the gunky dirty oil flung off the chain as it snapped off the rear sprocket. There might have been a correct needle valve setting, but taking into account the varying "G-loading" on the oil in the swingarm as it hammered up and down was just too much to ask of the existing technology, such as it was.

The story was, if the oil had soaked past the jacket, a flannel shirt, a tee shirt, and was smeared onto your skin well, friend, you just finished one hell of a good ride!

Smelling like a Shell oil refinery was a Greeves plus, as the odor was said to repel noxious insects, and petroleum based skin lotion is well known for reducing skin aging, flaking, crow's feet and the pain of psoriasis.

I know for a fact that a glove fingertip wiped across the left shoulder then across the lips worked well to reduce those painful lip cracks caused by riding in cold, dry, conditions. It was not only less expensive than Blistex, it could be applied, repeatedly, while averaging 24 M.P.H.

This treatment could even be offered to other riders, but refusal should not be taken as an affront.

Why the Greeves dealers didn't take advantage of the condition and sell jackets with a black stripe up the left side of the back and advertise them as a 'racing stripe' design worries me.

When I finish this I'm going to write to Frank Conley and suggest he have some pre-striped jackets made for his customers. Who is Frank Conley? He's just the Greeves top guru who had the ready cash to buy out--at distress prices I imagine, all the Greeves dealers when they went into cardiac arrest at the introduction of the Yamaha DT 1.

When the last Greeves on earth is started up for the last time, it will be big Frank stomping on the go-pedal. I don't notice that he's spending a lot on advertising, but he's VERY well known as the founder of the Greeves Owners And Breeders Association. If Frank can't find you a missing Greeves part then you better stop looking. He's even sunk to the level of buying up those decrepit wrecked Greeves that most of us have been keeping around in the hope that someone like Frank will come along and haul the thing away.

 That's Frank Conley
 13 El Cuenco
 Carmel Valley, CA 93924 

Offline Colin Jay

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Re: Anyone remember Ed Hertfelder? "The Duct Tapes"
« Reply #2 on: August 26, 2015, 01:01:40 pm »
Back in the 80's Ed self-published a book containing a load of "Duct Tapes" articles. I bought one from him way back them, I might have to pull it out of the bookshelf to night and have a read.

My copy is actually a personally signed copy, I will have to see what it is worth if the Antique Roadshow ever comes to my town. :)

Probably my favourite Duct Tapes is "Have You Ever..."

CJ
Why do things the easy way, when with a bit of effort you can really make it difficult for yourself!!

Offline GD66

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Re: Anyone remember Ed Hertfelder? "The Duct Tapes"
« Reply #3 on: August 26, 2015, 01:05:31 pm »
Wow, cheers for that. Haven't read one of Ed's columns for years but yes, he was always a good read.
Also appreciated the salty work over a long period of Super Hunky, and years back in MXA, Jody's predecessor Bazzer's Box, penned by Paul Boudreau.
Nostalgia's not what it used to be....

Offline Colin Jay

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Re: Anyone remember Ed Hertfelder? "The Duct Tapes"
« Reply #4 on: August 26, 2015, 01:15:41 pm »
 I have just had a search of my work laptop and found a scanned copy of The Duct Tapes; Have you ever?

Here is random selection of Have you Ever... by Ed Hertfelder.

Have you ever waved to someone you know and pulled the handgrip off with the other hand?

Have you ever spent $600 making an $800 motorcycle handle like a $1200 motorcycle?

Have you ever felt stiff and sore on Monday and worst on Tuesday?

Have you ever tried to sleep parked next to a guy with a new girlfriend?

Have you ever searched for 5 minutes for a tire valve stem and found it between your teeth?

Have you ever banged your nose so hard that you couldn't enjoy picking it for a week?

Have you ever tried to kickstart a 500 in your bare feet?

Have you ever collided with just one rider out of 612 in the event, and he was a fellow club member?

CJ
Why do things the easy way, when with a bit of effort you can really make it difficult for yourself!!

Offline PBMGold

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Re: Anyone remember Ed Hertfelder? "The Duct Tapes"
« Reply #5 on: August 26, 2015, 03:10:47 pm »
....and on a similar theme "Did you ever"...

Did You Ever by Ed Hertfelder (Circa 1984, edited for universal rider appreciation)

Did you ever try to let a pound of air out of a tire and have the valve stick open?
Did you ever think you were about to recover from a ferocious slide and pull a handgrip off?
Did you ever kneel on an Ace bandage clip?
Did you ever inhale a mosquito?
Did you ever put straight gas in a two-stroke?
Did you ever follow a really fast rider who was lost?
Did you ever lay in a creek to cool off then discover a leech in an erogenous zone?
Did you ever find a wood tick in your navel?
Did you ever go to an event a week early?
Did you ever replace a spark plug and forget to snap the wire back on?
Did you ever borrow a tool with your name already on it?
Did you ever loan a guy a tool with HIS name already on it?
Did you ever forget to unlatch a seat belt and think you were paralyzed?
Did you ever meet a tractor taking up half the road and the mower bar taking up the rest?
Did you ever get so exhausted you couldn’t turn the gas cap?
Did you ever try to start a strange bike and see your ankle bone?
Did you ever take salt tablets and sweat yourself a diaper rash?
Did you ever see your buddy make a wrong turn then try to catch him?
Did you ever pinch the web of your thumb with a pair of pliers?
Did you ever shoot the brake retainer spring to the moon?
Did you ever get clotheslined by a real clothesline?
Did you ever split a lip and tell someone it only hurts when you laugh?
Did you ever tighten a single loose spoke and loosen all the others?
Did you ever get Ben Gay ointment on a glandular appendage?
Did you ever force an SAE nut on a metric bolt?
Did you ever put a trailer hitch on the front of your truck so you could get the trailer up the driveway?
Did you ever hold your breath angling across white lines on wet pavement?
Did you ever blow into a tank line and have the tank blow back?
Did you ever stall with the kickstarter against a steep hill?
Did you ever follow someone into six feet of water?
Did you ever lean a bike on a dead tree and have the tree fall over?
Did you ever pass someone then high-side the next turn?
Did you ever leave your bike out in the rain after it let you down?
Did you ever clean your shield and make it worse?
Did you ever know anyone who won a motorcycle in a raffle?
Did you ever remove stitches with nail clippers?
Did you ever try to solidify a chocolate bar on an air conditioner vent?
Did you ever buy coffee just to warm your hands?

Well, did you?

Offline PBMGold

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Re: Anyone remember Ed Hertfelder? "The Duct Tapes"
« Reply #6 on: August 26, 2015, 03:34:48 pm »
Whilst googling for more of Ed's essays I found this pic.

Just wondered if all clubs embraced officialdom like this, VMX and Vinduro would see a massive resurgance of popularity.

« Last Edit: August 26, 2015, 06:09:36 pm by PBMGold »

Offline Colin Jay

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Re: Anyone remember Ed Hertfelder? "The Duct Tapes"
« Reply #7 on: September 03, 2015, 12:56:17 pm »

Front and Rear cover of Duct Tapes 80, by Ed Hertfelder.

Why do things the easy way, when with a bit of effort you can really make it difficult for yourself!!