This is a joke i heard last week , So i have tried to put it in a PC version 
Iv'e found a cheap yet effective way to stop the (Ignore the nicknames that dont apply or offend you  

 Kiwis, Poms, Sweatys ,Micks, taffs ,Ragheads, spooks ,Jigs, Wogs, Coons, Coconuts Honkys , Crackers 

   from robbing my house while im at work 
I just hung a sign on my gate , it says 
JOB CENTRE