Author Topic: Funnies/Jokes  (Read 662416 times)

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Offline kdx Geoff

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #2310 on: September 24, 2015, 08:11:39 pm »
Buying kdx air cooled drum brake unitrak bikes and parts

Offline Viper666

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #2311 on: September 28, 2015, 11:18:12 am »

Took the wife to the doctors the other day to see what could be done about her touretts syndrome.

Turns out she doesn't have it?





Apparently I am a c*nt & I should f*ck off!
Thank the Lord for Melbourne Bitter, anti-inflamatory drugs & an understanding wife.
YZ80H, YZ100G, YZ125E, YZ125F, YZ125G, YZ250D, YZ250E, YZ250F, YZ250G, YZ250H, YZ400F, IT125G, IT250K & a, a, a,      CRF250X???????    

How the FUG did that sh*tbox Honda get in here?

Offline Tony.Brown

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #2312 on: September 28, 2015, 01:25:54 pm »
"Took the wife to the doctors the other day to see what could be done about her touretts syndrome.

Turns out she doesn't have it?





Apparently I am a c*nt & I should f*ck off!"

That's the best one this year! Or maybe I can relate?

Offline Fabulous

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #2313 on: September 28, 2015, 04:21:57 pm »
[Jesus going over the bill at the last supper]

"Why would [closes eyes and rubs bridge of nose]..why would anyone order wine"?

Offline matcho mick

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #2314 on: September 28, 2015, 09:41:42 pm »
 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
work,the curse of the racing class!!
if a hammer dosn't fix it,you have a electrical problem!!

Offline Davy123

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #2315 on: September 28, 2015, 10:50:20 pm »
Since it started raining.. all my wife had done is look through the damn window...

if it gets any worse , I'll need to let the c*** in .

Offline yamaico

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #2316 on: October 09, 2015, 06:01:13 pm »

Offline bigk

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #2317 on: October 09, 2015, 06:44:21 pm »
That's gold.

Offline bishboy

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #2318 on: October 21, 2015, 07:01:25 pm »
Apologies if these have been posted before.
















Offline 80-85 husky

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #2319 on: October 30, 2015, 01:59:01 pm »
As a guitarist, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man.
He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at the pauper’s cemetery out the back of the coast. As I was not familiar with the behind the hinterland I got lost.

I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight.
There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late.
I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place.
I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends.
I played like I’ve never played before for this homeless man.

And as I played ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together.
When I finished I packed up my guitar and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”

Apparently, I was still lost…

Offline fred99999au

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #2320 on: October 31, 2015, 10:03:59 am »
That is gold, right there. :) :) :)

Offline 80-85 husky

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #2321 on: November 21, 2015, 07:54:37 pm »
I thought having a vasectomy would stop the wife getting pregnant but she tells me it just changes the color of the baby..... :o ::)

Offline Gday

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #2322 on: November 22, 2015, 09:27:24 am »

Offline fred99999au

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #2323 on: November 22, 2015, 01:26:42 pm »
That series is gold. Some of it was even filmed near me here.

Offline FAT-TOY

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Re: Funnies/Jokes
« Reply #2324 on: November 30, 2015, 10:18:53 pm »
DIVORCE SETTLEMENT

On the first day, he sadly packed his belongings into boxes, crates
and suitcases.

On the second day, he had the movers come and collect his things.

On the third day, he sat down for the last time at their beautiful
dining-room table, by candle-light. He put on some soft background
music, and feasted on a kilo of prawns, a jar of caviar, and a bottle
of spring-water.

When he'd finished, he went into each and every room and deposited a
few half-eaten prawns dipped in caviar into the hollow centre of the
curtain rods.

He then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

On the fourth day, the wife came back with her new boyfriend, and at
first all was bliss.

Then, slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything; cleaning, mopping, and airing-out the place.

Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to
set off gas canisters, during which time the two had to move out for a
few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool
carpeting. Nothing worked!  People stopped coming over to visit.

Repairmen refused to work in the house.The  maid quit.


Finally, they couldn't take the stench any longer, and decided they
had to move, but a month later - even though they'd cut their price in
half - they couldn't find a buyer for such a stinky house.

Word got out, and eventually even the local realtors refused to return
their calls.

Finally, unable to wait any longer for a purchaser, they had to borrow
a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

Then the ex called the woman and asked how things were going. She told
him the saga of the rotting house. He listened politely and said that
he missed his old home terribly and would be willing to reduce his
divorce settlement in exchange for having the house.

Knowing he could have no idea how bad the smell really was, she agreed
on a price that was only 1/10th of what the house had been worth ...
but only if he would sign the papers that very day.

He agreed, and within two hours her lawyers delivered the completed paperwork.

A week later the woman and her boyfriend stood smiling as they watched
the moving company pack everything to take to their new home, and
just to spite the ex-husband, they even took the curtain rods !!!


I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU.
Everyday I find one more name to add to the list of people who piss me off.