posted by Chuck on the PE mailing list...
Old Vet Humor - 107 Signs You're "Old-School" Motocross
1. You remember when they invented whoops.
2. You remember when the water-truck was a wooden cask hauled behind
two musk oxen. Yes, oxen, dammit.
3. You've been thwacked by the surgical neoprene strand of a rubber-
band start.
4. You well know the difference between a Combat Wombat, a Pursang
and a Cappra.
5. You begged your dad to "forward-mount" your Elsinore's rear shocks.
6. Then you begged more for him to "lay 'em down".
7. You're familiar with Skunk Works and their whole get-up.
8. You badly desired a DG radial head for your RM-125.
9. You knew 'em as Pentons - before they were Katoomers.
10. You recall Team Tamm and L.O.P.
11. You idolized Marty Smith.
12. You knew Micky Dymond rode a Husky pretty damn well.
13. You were stunned when you heard Gerrit Wolsink became a dentist.
14. You never missed ABC's Wide World Of Sports in case they featured
the USGP at Carlsbad.
15. You remember when hot-dogs were the only "health-food" available
at the track
16. You dreamt of manhandling a Maico 501
17. You remember Jones goggles and Carrera's, too.
18. Ake Jonnson and Jack Van Velthoven are household names to you.
19. You've pulled serious dirt out of your nose two days after a
National.
20. You've camped at both Mount Morris and Unadilla and lived to tell
of it.
21. You wished you'd never bought those Scott plastic boots. But you
did.
22. You've owned a duckbill visor or two.
23. You've worn football pads in a motocross race.
24. You've worn race-gloves with pieces of tires attached to the
fingers.
25. You remember when box-vans were "factory".
26. You're making stupid-money selling your old motocross stuff as
"vintage" on ****.
27. You used to think Heikki Mikkola was the baddest dude on the
planet. In fact, part of you thinks he still is.
28. You've pulled the lights and blinkers off an enduro bike to race
motocross.
29. You recall seeing Jim Gianatsis' name over every dirt-bike photo
in the '70's.
30. Mr. Know-It-All both entertained you and pissed you off.
31. And you know who Lovely Louella is and where Chicken Licks
Raceway isn't.
32. You once asked your dad if you could get a Bel-Ray tattoo.
33. Your mom ironed on a Champion spark-plug patch to your jean-jacket.
34. You've written letters to companies begging for stickers.
35. You were there when tear-offs were invented.
36. You fondly recall the Wrangler Dash For Cash in Supercross races.
37. You owned at least one "Do It In The Dirt" shirt.
38. You tear up while recalling the sound of the start of a 500
National.
39. You blasted your Zeppelin on 8-tracks on the way to the races.
40. In later years, you rode home listening to the Eagles on these
revolutionary cassettes.
41. You witnessed a Supercross in Pittsburgh.
42. You saved up forever for that DG water-cooled head and front-
plate radiator deal from DG.
43. You're familiar with the "Flying W", WFO and the GYDBT, amongst
other terms.
44. You've purchased both Bassani and Hooker pipes for your Yamaha
DT-250.
45. You installed a white fender-extender on your '76 YZ-125. Just
because.
46. You used to think it nutty to pay a buck-twenny-five for race-gas.
47. You recall MXA magazine having a ROY (Rider Of The Year) that was
awarded a truck.
48. You're familiar with front-falling gates, too.
49. And flag starts. Uh huh.
50. Some tracks even had traffic-light starts ! Whaaaaa ?
51. You recall the van craze and its link to mx.
52. Rex Staten always kind of scared you a bit.
53. You still think of Mike LaRocco as " that fast kid from Indiana."
54. You've ridden a bike or two up and into a pick-up truck bed.
55. You've also wadded it up performing this stunt.
56. You've raced the Open-Class. On a real Open-bike.
57. You remember the Harley-Davidson MX team.
58. You could never afford those FOX-Shox. But you desired them, badly.
59. You remember Bob Hannah's Open-Bike fan-club at Unadilla.
60. You remember an AMA National in St. Pete, Florida.
61. You thought the Husky chrome tanks were extremely sexy.
62. You were pretty sure the Hodaka transmissions were made of plastic.
63. You always knew that, by the'90's, Supercross would be live on TV
on Saturday nights.
64. You used to bring your girlfriend and her dog to the races. That
didn't last.
65. You recall Cycle News East & West versions. "We don't care how
the hell they do it in California" - that was the East version's
battlecry. Odd times, indeed.
66. You knew Can-Am's had rotary valves and no head gaskets.
67. You knew Ricky's boss had worked in the sport pretty seriously
prior to getting into big-rig management.
68. You not only owned a 175, you actually raced the 175 class!
69. You still have your JOFA mouthpiece.
70. You called your pants "leathers" - even if they weren't.
71. You always wore a kidney-belt. You just did.
72. You've seen a Maico 490 Sand Spider shred the knobs off.
73. You know who "Super Hunky" is.
74. You're familiar with terms like "Full-Floater", "Unitrak",
"Monoshock" and groovy.
75. You remember the DATSUN USGP Of Motocross
76. Debruzer was some kind of handlebar pad endorsed by "De-MAN", right?
77. Tommy Benolkin's name rings a bell with you.
78. You actually attended the Kansas City Supercross.
79. You were there when Darrell Schultz won Daytona on his Chris
Haines prepped CR250.
80. You knew Steve Wise was a motorcycling Mr. Do-It-All.
81. You loved watching Jimmy Ellis at the Atlanta Supercross By
Wrangler on his Honda.
82. You liked those Dunlop K190's, you really did.
83. For many years it was only Metzelers for you though.
84. You did give Trelleborg's a brief try.
85. And Hi-Point's Red-Dot tires. (Hannah endorsed !)
86. You were at that 1982 Loretta Lynn's by Kawasaki. 25 classes total.
87. You've actually left a motocross race in a Ford Pinto towing a 3
rail Holsclaw trailer, by golly.
88. You've heard of both Bauers: Willi and Steve.
89. You had subscriptions to Modern Cycle & Popular Cycling.
90. You've heard the term "Maico-Breako" a time or two.
91. You would have given your left buttock for a pair of those "hi-
zoot" Simons Upside-Down forks!
92. You've seen white KTM's with red-frames.
93. You actually owned a bike-cover for your machine at one point.
No, really, you did.
94. You always wanted to put a 44mm Mikuni carburetor on something.
Anything.
95. You knew Josh Hansen's dad raced a bit.
96. You bought a roost-boost bottle for your bike. Supposedly it
straightened out the powerband or something.
97. You worked that Impact-driver like nobody's business. No Phillips-
stripping for you, my brother.
98. The name Torsten Hallman was familiar to you, just like you knew
well the Gunnar-Gasser throttle. Hell, everybody did.
99. You've broke more than one chain in a day. And you always carried
extra master-links. You had to.
100. You knew, that if you only had five-bucks to get home on, you
could get four burgers from Mickey-D's and five gallons of gas for
your Econoline van. True.
101. Back then, a rhythm-section was a drummer and a bass player.
102. You wore your socks out and over your boots and your shoulder-
pads under your shirt.
103. You thought Tortelli and Pastrana were things you found at an
Italian deli.
104. Your buddy wore an "I'm with stupid" shirt.
105. You had, sporadically, one sleazy girlfriend that would wear
that "Slave" T-shirt. That chick was fun.
106. You were introduced to Danny Laporte yet were too tongue-tied
and mesmerized to speak.
107. You hazily recall there being a small bridge that the riders had
to negotiate in the '70's at Unadilla
Chuck B.
