Times are tough here in the States:
~ I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
~ Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries.
~ CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
~ Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
~ A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.
~ I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife.
~ If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
~ McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
~ Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
~ Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
~ My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!
~ A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
~ A picture is now only worth 500 words.
~ When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
~ The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
~ Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!
And, finally...
~ I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck!
