Here are some customer reviews from Amazon's website featuring VEET's Men Hair Removal Gel.......... I'm astounded that people can laugh about such self-inflicted pain!
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Customer Reviews
Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml
435 Reviews
5 star:
(323)
4 star:
(59)
3 star:
(21)
2 star:
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1 star:
(24)
Average Customer Review
4.5 out of 5 stars (435 customer reviews)
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20,350 of 20,476 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND BOLLOCKS
Being a loose cannon who does not play by the rules the first thing I did was ignore the warning and smear this all over my knob and bollocks. The bollocks I knew and loved are gone now. In their place is a maroon coloured bag of agony which sends stabs of pain up my body every time it grazes against my thigh or an article of clothing. I am suffering so that you don't...
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Published 4 months ago by Andrew
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2,565 of 2,605 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION
I like the clean shaven look down in my gentleman's log cabin, so for the past few years I've used a shaver. However the hair keeps growing back which means every 6 months I have to spend 20 minutes trimming again. As I'm sure you've realise this is valuable time I cannot waste. So I decided to get to the root of the problem and purchased this product.
Probably...
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Published 1 month ago by The Cantankerous Tiger
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20,350 of 20,476 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND BOLLOCKS, 24 Jan 2012
By
Andrew - See all my reviews
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)
Being a loose cannon who does not play by the rules the first thing I did was ignore the warning and smear this all over my knob and bollocks. The bollocks I knew and loved are gone now. In their place is a maroon coloured bag of agony which sends stabs of pain up my body every time it grazes against my thigh or an article of clothing. I am suffering so that you don't have to. Heed my lesson. DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND BOLLOCKS.
(I am giving this product a 5 because despite the fact that I think my bollocks might fall off, they are now completely hairless.)
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2,565 of 2,605 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION, 17 April 2012
By
The Cantankerous Tiger - See all my reviews
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)
I like the clean shaven look down in my gentleman's log cabin, so for the past few years I've used a shaver. However the hair keeps growing back which means every 6 months I have to spend 20 minutes trimming again. As I'm sure you've realise this is valuable time I cannot waste. So I decided to get to the root of the problem and purchased this product.
Probably the first thing you will notice after using this product is the pain. Although as a man I lack the required experience, I'm going to estimate that using this product is at least eleven times more painful than childbirth.
Imagine sticking a rusty razor blade into your favourite eye, before tying your hands behind your back. Then imagine that you use the entrenched razor blade to slice open a raw onion. All the while being butt naked. This product is slightly more painful than that.
However if we ignore the blinding, crippling and debilitating pain I should point out that this product is remarkably effective. Before, all manner of organisms great and small lived down there, now nothing can grow; not even on a cellular level. Sadly this includes my genitalia; I've spent the last four hours staring fixedly at Carol Vorderman's arse, all to no avail. My tinkywinkleton hasn't even so much as perked up, so if my review seems a bit harsh, it's only because I wanted children.
All in all an effective and reasonably priced product - 3 Stars.
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1,153 of 1,176 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Increased Sports Performance Bonus, 24 April 2012
By
Tagnutt Mandeville - See all my reviews
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)
As a highly competitive amateur athlete, I have long been aware of the benefits of a highly polished scrotum pole and hair-free saddle-bags, especially when going for the `longer look' as displayed by Linford in his famous lunchbox.
Previously I had used the old-school method of a cutthroat razor, but as you can imagine, this was a tricky and delicate operation, and to make matters worse, it was difficult to get into a comfortable position in the chair at my local Barbers. Anyway, I am quite hairy down there and my snippet valve looks like Brian May's plughole so eventually the Barber said he could no longer perform the task for me. He also said that looking up my whizzer every Saturday at 11:30 put him off his lunch, as he usually has toad-in-the-hole followed by chocolate-coated donuts as a Saturday treat.
He did not want to leave me in the lurch and said that he had read some excellent reviews on Amazon about Veet for men and suggested I give it try.
Like many other reviewers, I made the mistake of not reading the bumph properly; I used the whole tube and completely coated my cock eggs, barse and nipsy with the stuff. Anyway, I lost track of time, and it was the foul stench of dissolving clinkers and melting hair that brought me to my senses. As I looked at my watch through the putrid fog that had formed around me, I could see that it had been applied for exactly 5 minutes 59 seconds. This presented me with a problem, as when the searing pain began, I was outside my flat, sat in the communal gardens, in a deck chair precisely 100 meters and 3 flights of stairs away from my bathroom. It was as if I had lowered my under-carriage through a volcano and into Hades, whereupon Beelzebub, annoyed by the uninvited intrusion, jabbed me in the rectum with his fork.
I took off from the deckchair like Usain Bolt out of the TV adverts. Within 12 seconds, the bathroom was filled with steamy fetid barse broth, and I had the clock weights, biffin's-bridge and Sherriff's badge under ice-cold running water at the tap end of the bath. This did not please the missus, as she was relaxing in there at the time surrounded by floating petals and candles, although she did say that the sight of my ringpiece flashing like a brake light was impressive, and she was pleased to see that my arse barnacles had all but disappeared.
When I looked at my watch again, I realised how quickly I had made it up the stairs and the idea dawned on me that I had discovered a 100% legal sports performance enhancer. Now when I compete in a competition I dab a small amount around my Samantha Janus and taint exactly 6 minutes before the race is due to start. If I am doing the hurdles, I change the ratio and put more on my barse to make me jump higher. This proved to be particularly effective a couple of weeks ago, as after crossing the hurdles finish line, I accidentally won the high jump and steeple chase too, looking for the water jump to wash the stuff off.
Now I can hear you all thinking that none of this is particularly extraordinary, especially given the reviews that you have already read. However, when I tell you that I am 45 years old, 5' 4" tall and weigh 15 stone, and I used to do the shot-put that should put things into context. As this is an Olympic year I think Tagnutt and Mandeville or whatever their names are, should be redesigned with hairless nether-regions and the British squad should use my technique and be sponsored by Veet, although I don't recommend it for the beach volley ball team.
5 Stars from me.
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1,555 of 1,589 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Not for nose hair, 14 April 2012
By
Matt Guy - See all my reviews
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)
Although I understood the part about 'intimate use' I could not find anything about this not being for nose or ear hair. I get fed up with constantly cutting myself whilst trying to cut my ear and nose hair with a pair of Kitchen Scissors, so I decided that this product would work for me. I rubbed it up into my nostrils and around the outside of my ears. Very soon the burn started and trust me it really makes your eyes water. Probably more that if it was on your knob or bollocks like the other reviewer did. If your eyes do water, make sure the product is not on your hands when you go to wipe your eyes as this porodcut also removes eyelashes and eyebrows and makes youe eyes water even more. I look like I have been put on a sunbed for too long and people keep asking me why I am crying. Still, a good product which does what it says.
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122 of 124 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Shiny sack saved my life, 8 May 2012
By
Nick R "njrobinson2003" - See all my reviews
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)
Picture the scene: a badly sunburnt, blistered and shaved Boris Johnson carries two red Space Hoppers accross the surface of Mars. This is an accurrate description of the current state of my genital region 3 weeks after a liberal application of this product. Seriously, my once proud Biggles looks more like the lone equine survivor of a fire at a donkey sanctuary.
On the positive side i can report the following unexpected benefits:
- My pain threshold has almost trebled
- I can now pass urine in 3 positions: standing, sitting and curled in a ball weeping.
- using a shammy leather and some wax I was able to polish up my ballbag enough to act as a signal for passing ships, saving me from certain starvation one time when i was stuck on a desert island.
It is due only to point 3 that this product gets 5 stars.
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561 of 574 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Good results at first interrogation, 25 April 2012
By
Mr. H. A. Outhwaite - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)
Excellent product. Most prisoners confessed within five minutes of the first application. Can recommend.
Yours,
Ali Muhabarakah,
Secret Police, Damascus
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63 of 64 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Smoothly does it., 5 May 2012
By
G. Leasley (UK) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)
After ignoring all the reviews about this item, I purchased this to do a bit of hedge trimming in my downstairs areas.
Taking great care to clean and rinse all areas before use I liberally creamed my tackle with a double helping of veet ,as it was a time where the bushes were remarkably thick and in desperate need of some attention. However seeing as I was covered, and still had a hand full, I proceeded to cover the back passage also.
Can you imaging my surprise when I found out I had forgotten to time the process and relied in counting to 6 minutes as I had forgotten my watch.
Being of sound mind and body, it took me over 3 minutes to discover that 6 minutes is 360 seconds, so after doing the math I started counting.
I don't claim to be a clever person but can you imaging my surprise when after counting to 200 i felt a burning desire to rip off my plums and place them in liquid nitrogen. imaging the surprise as i was told never to leave a job half don't, that I carried on counting to 360.
Around the 300 mark, I think I blacked out with the pain.
While is a state of un-imaginable pain, i discovered that my back side was on fire, and proceeded to cry out in pain.
Finally i reached 360, and ran to my chest freezer to dunk my lower half in the cold and hopefully regain some feeling in that area.
Taking care not to boil the frozen peas, i cleaned my gentleman's sausage and plums to remove the now boiling substance from them and my back passage.
Can you imaging the sight i found when I could not feel my middle section as pain had now turned to numbness, and what was pink skin, was now a beautiful shade of scarlet.
least to say, i was hairless and looking good. Thanks veet, your amazing. 5*, cant wait for next month to do it all again.
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299 of 307 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Sweet Baby Jesus deliver me from this torment, 30 April 2012
By
Lee - See all my reviews
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)
Possessing as I do a genital cluster that bears an uncanny resemblance (and indeed aroma) to Chewbacca's armpit, I decided to purchase this product. Upon applying the creme to my tassel and conkers, I was taken aback by a sudden and disturbing gasping noise, followed by a sound that I can only describe as the horrific howlings from Satan's own Hell Hound, Cerberus. As I whirled around to view the source of the noise, I perchanced to glance in the bathroom mirror, and, seeing my own mouth stretched agape in a terrible rictus of agony, I deduced the sound was coming from me.
My eyes widening with mounting horror, I surveyed the damage occurring to my sausage and beans with no small sense of panic. My pubes were actually bubbling and fizzing, in much the same way they might if one of James Cameron's Aliens had just sprayed their acid blood upon them. There were no swear words strong enough to adequately describe the agony, and in my delirium I began making them up. I don't recall exactly what I screamed, but I'm fairly sure the entirely-new expletive "funting" was employed.
With as much haste as I could muster I hobbled into the shower and applied cooling water to the conflagration in my crotch, which only served to spread the napalm to my perineum. I am not a church-going man but as I felt the flaming horror trickle across that tender inch of no-man's land, I confess that I prayed aloud to Jesus and his host of angels that the advancing agony would not stray into my buttonhole. However, my prayers went unheeded, and as I felt the liquid inferno sizzle its way into my most private of eyes, I lost consciousness, but not before grabbing the shower curtain and collapsing, in a disturbing echo of that famous scene from Hitchcock's "Psycho". Although believe me, being hacked to death by Norman Bates in a dress would have been a walk in the park compared to the searing agony I endured that fateful day.
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371 of 382 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Spiced nuts, 3 May 2012
By
mikethebign - See all my reviews
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)
Sergeant slaughter and his two lovely daughters
Do get the occasional trim.
New bird on the stage, nearly half my age
My purchase a bit of a whim
The instruction book did not get a look
I thought I knew how to use Veet
Whipped out my tower, whilst stood in the shower
Spreading it liberally all over my meat
I flipped off the cap, lifted up the old chap
Pushing the limits i'm sure
I wanted to groom in the valley of doom
Now my starfish is bleeding and raw
I tried to keep calm washing off the napalm
Leaving me all of a fluster
You could boil a small lake or cook a big steak
With the heat from my genital cluster.
Less grass on the wicked, but all's still not cricket
It does add an inch or two
A full week past, how long will it last?
Still unable to sit, stand or poo.
You may well cry but tears will dry,
Leaving balls as smooth as jam jars,
My slong looks huge, still no sign of pubes
So i'm happy to award it 5 stars
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502 of 520 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars In the words of the B9 Robot from Lost in space "Danger Will Robinson Danger!", 14 April 2012
By
Ramdizzle "Ramsay" (UK) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)
Well like 90% of the reviews on the page. I would say we have all suffered from making the terrible mistake of vandalizing ones self in ways which we shouldn't.
If you are keen player in the arts of "BDSM" or "Sadomasochism", be my guest, this product will certainly bring you pleasure. However if you are a run of the mill bloke trying to remove some unwanted hair from some unwanted places, this product will make you cry.
I obviously wanted to sport the longer look, which let not beat around the bush (no pun intended) makes any man feel better about themselves (well it does me anyways). I'm also a fairly hairy individual, so this product is certainly useful as it's near to impossible to shave my own back.
However when applied to the genital region, the first couple of minutes you stand there looking at it, trying to sniff the air to see if you can smell that horrible burning hair smell (which i couldn't). You then realise after a few more moment's that your smile has changed into a very neutral position. I don't really read instructions in life. I treat them as if they were that EULA thing when you install software or start an Xbox game, and you just click next.
Anyhow, all I can say is that I would not need a flame on a stick going through a dark tunnel or cave. I could simply wack my bollocks out. Yes you guessed it bright red and pretty painful. But I do look hung. Anyhow would I do it again, maybe in a few months. My skins pretty resilient, so it's not to sensitive, but I guess if you are a ginger or generally have light fair sensitive skin you may find out the hard way and wake up one morning with a extremely high voice and notice you have no more testicles and being officially classed as a eunuch.
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